I Think It's Time

CindyBum · January 17

Not for MC, though that will be coming soon. Time to quit my job. I thought I could hang in there with it, but I simply cannot do it. I find the job so frustrating — a super dysfunctional org with lots of disrespect thrown around. And, I'm an utter wreck from feeling split every hour of the day between trying to keep some semblance of an outside life and trying to care as best as I can for my DW.

I'd like to think that I am strong enough to manage the guilt of going to work while my DW keeps going downhill, but I'm just not. I know her decline could lead her to MC within the year. I know I should be trying to stay connected in this community, for myself somehow, but my mind and heart cannot get up and over that I'm doing this wrong and that I need to be here for her instead at some job I don't like.

I have to honor whatever that is in me about this. It's the best self-care option I can think of right now.

marier · January 17

I wanted to continue to work however I did leave my job about two years earlier than I had planned. I left for various reason. The primary one was my DH declining cognitive abilities. I am so happy I did retire when I did. It gave me a year maybe year and half of doing some travel and visiting family that would not of happened had I continued to work. I am grateful for this time we had together. He declined rapidly after I retired. My DH has no memory of this time nor can he communicate much now in stage 7.

I do feel that retiring helped my overall health and stress level. This helped in being able to provide care. It hasn't been easy but doable and I am still healthy.

trottingalong · January 17

I think that’s wonderful you were able to do that. My husband is 12 years older than me. He was retired two years ahead of me. I decided to retire early just so we could do more together. Dementia was not in the picture at that time. I am so glad we got those years together, they were wonderful. Money was tighter, but it was worth it. I think you writing this has the potential to help those that may be on the fence about retirement.

BPS · January 17

I retired almost 2 years ago from work I enjoyed to be able to take care of my wife. It was a hard adjustment to be home every day not able to go do much because of her condition, and then a year ago she had a stroke and now is in MC. The house is quiet and lonely, but she needed that care so I don't regret retiring when I did. It wasn't easy and I am still adjusting, but it was the right thing for our situation.

CindyBum · January 17

I am so happy to hear from those of you who did this. I’ve had such mental gymnastics about it and can’t express how helpful it is to hear from those who’ve take this route too.

It’s also 2years earlier than I thought I’d retire and money will be tighter, but I think doable. I’m both kind of weepy about but also incredibly relieved to have made this decision.

Quilting brings calm · January 17

I retired a couple of years earlier than planned too. I was 62. It was December 2020. In my case I had a small pension and withdraw money from investments until this month when I finally applied for social security. I also had access to insurance - at retiree rates.

I liked my job ( stressful as it was) but I couldn’t predict my week. I might get to work all week or I might have to take my parents to the doctor during the height of Covid. I might have to unexpectedly run an item to the door of the AL ( no visitors that year). I was allowed to work from home because of the epidemic and I found I liked being at home.

After Covid restrictions eased, my parent’s dependence on me only increased. I don’t think I’d have made it working these last four years.

CindyBum · January 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/234188#Comment_234188

I had hoped to make it to at least 61 or 62, but can't quite get there. I'll turn 59 in a few months. Maybe I will get to 60. Like you, the saving grace I have is access to almost full-funding of my health insurance by my employer or I'd really struggle to afford it. I think with the state I'm in, I'd probably still retire now instead of a few years from now.

rplourde50 · January 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71802/i-think-its-time

Retired a couple of months ago. It's been all good. Spending more quality time with my DW and coming up with lots of engaging activities to keep her mind, and mine, active. You might find it rejuvenating,

CindyBum · January 17

I also find myself singing that old Rolling Stones song to myself lately, "Here it comes….here comes your 19th nervous breakdown." :-)

Jgirl57 · January 17

Mental gymnastics is a good way to state what you are going thru . All you can do is what is best for you now . Sending (((Hugs)))

CampCarol · January 18

I retired 2 years earlier than planned as well. I adjusted to the not working ok (I had a very stressful job), but I became (and still am) very isolated. I’m very happy for you that you’re able to take this new step forward to care more for your DW…my only advice is to try and maintain some of that social aspect, even if it’s just a zoom conversation while she’s napping or down for the night. Good luck!

SDianeL · January 18

just making the decision takes some stress away. Good for you. She is lucky to have you. Take care of yourself. Keep us posted. 💜

Victoriaredux · January 18

It's such a hard disease to try to plan around. The LO may need placing sooner than thought and recovering a career/good job is harder if you've left the work place.

Also, hate to create stress but employer offered benefits can poof.I've been shocked at the sparse benefits young employees get- even in a good company and great position -so older firms don't compete on benefits anymore.

Companies get sold, go out of business, New Federal rules make having good plans too expensive. Some will phase out benefits over years - sometimes you get a notice and boom over. A company I never thought would did that , even yanked a minimum amount of life insurance that would have paid for a funeral . Talk about being told you are no longer worth anything to them .

Soooo, when planning - count on nothing that is a promise you can't control. If you can swing losing the benefits and have an inflation proof funded retirement & health nest egg for you - sounds good.

If not, maybe get a care giving respite break and the job may not seem so bad if the pressure is off . Then evaluate the next step when you are rested. Wish you the best.

Arrowhead · January 18

I continued to work for 2 1/2 years after my wife was diagnosed, when I decided she needed me at home more than I needed to work. I was 64, which means I lost 2 or 3 $100 a month in social security. However, it did give me 5 years to spend with her before putting her in memory care.

White Crane · January 18

Cindy, it sounds like you are making the right decision for both you and your DW. You are a dedicated and loving caregiver and I hope this works out well for you.

annie51 · January 19

I also retired about a year and a half earlier than planned. During Covid I was working from home so it worked out pretty well with my DH not being too advanced at that point. But when time came to go back to the office, I knew that I would be facing incessant phone calls from him trying to find something or ask me something and I didn’t think the stress was worth it when added to the stress of the work itself. We had a good year and a half of traveling while travel was still bearable. I think you made the right decision.

I Think It's Time

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