One year MC anniversary

White Crane · January 23

Today marks the one year anniversary of my DH going to MC. One of the worst days of my life. I knew the day was coming. I just didn't know it was going to come the way it did. He had pneumonia and was in the hospital and so weak he couldn't stand by himself. The doctor told me he couldn't go home. He said I could no longer take care of him. And he was right. I could no longer keep him safe at home and my health was suffering. Still, it broke my heart into a million pieces to know he could never come home again. We would never sleep in the same bed again. I spent the night alone and cried more tears than I knew I had to cry. Now here it is one year later and he is once again recovering from pneumonia. His weight has dropped and he isn't eating well. In the last year since entering MC, he has lost 35 pounds. Yesterday when I visited him, he said he didn't think he could hold on much longer. I'm praying he can come back from this latest bout of pneumonia but if he can't, I know I will have to let him go. He is getting lots of physical therapy and occupational therapy and extra nutritional shakes. They are doing their best to take care of him. I feel helpless and afraid. One year in MC and so much has changed and yet we seem to be right back where we were one year ago with him getting over pneumonia and me crying out to God.

Brenda

midge333 · January 23

Brenda: I am going to ask you a hard question but I do so with kindness and respect. Why do you want to prolong his suffering? I think you need to ask yourself the following question: If the roles were reversed and you had end-stage dementia, would you want your life prolonged?

charley0419 · January 23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/234760#Comment_234760

I agree 100% there’s no coming back

Jazzma · January 23

Brenda, my heart breaks with yours. My DH also went into memory care a year ago after a bout with pneumonia and I didn't think I could survive the sadness. I still cry a lot, still grieve for the times we could have had. He is physically healthy now and I still consider what to do when the next crisis hits. I don't know what to tell you — I don't know that we're ever ready to let someone we love so much go. Wishing you as much comfort and peace as possible.

B2ingua · January 23

My mother and two aunts died of this terrible disease. My wife and are very familiar with where it is going. Neither she or I want to be that person like my relatives who can't communicate, don't know loved ones and are in MC for years and years. My wife is in year 10 since diagnosis although only 73. I haven't yet faced the formal DNR but it is coming and there will be no feeding or other artificial means to whatever is left. We have had over 50 years together and have a life will lived.

fmb · January 24

Brenda, I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position again. It is truly heartbreaking to watch our loved ones suffer like this. Asking with all kindness and compassion: Have you considered placing him in hospice care? The large weight loss alone would probably qualify him for immediate care. It sound like he knows he is nearing the end. Hospice care is a godsend in the final months of life. Our hospice team cared for DH with much love and compassion over the last 14 months and kept him as comfortable as possible until the very end. ((Hugs))

mpang123 · January 24

Hospice has kept my dad comfortable and manages his pain and prescribes meds as needed. My dad is DNR so he has limited medical intervention.

BPS · January 24

My wife has also been in MC for almost a year. After her second stroke the doctor talked about hospice. I wasn't ready at that point, a week from her second stroke. I did sign a DNR but we continued on with rehab and everything we could do with meds, and she is still with us and I keep trying to work with her to regain anything she can from the stroke. Now almost a year later I wonder if I should have made different decisions at that time. She is not happy, I am not happy, and what are we gaining with no chance of improvement or happiness. I will always wonder why and what if. I know there is no answer but I have had to make life and death decisions for my mother and father. I don't regret the decisions I have had to make but I still wonder what if. All we can do is the best with the information and emotions we have at the moment and I shouldn't look back at what if because what I know now is different than what I knew then. God Bless us all

SDianeL · January 24

Brenda, I’m so sorry. I would ask for Hospice. I waited too long to ask although people here said I should. I was in denial. If your DH is getting aspiration pneumonia, it will continue and happen often. If it’s not caused by aspiration, it’s because he’s weak. My husband developed aspiration pneumonia because he couldn’t swallow. The nurse at the MC facility asked if I wanted x-Ray. She said if they did X-Ray and found pneumonia they would have to transport to ER. Someone on this forum said to “play it all the way out” when you have a difficult decision. So I did. If he went to the hospital it would be horrible for him. Then he would return to memory care. And it would happen again and again. So I made the heart wrenching decision not to transport him. The MC facility implemented hospice protocols. He passed peacefully 2 days later. I know what you are going through. Praying for your strength. 💜🙏

Joe C. · January 24

Brenda, I feel for you with all you are dealing with but I do understand. I will keep you both in my prayers.

One year MC anniversary

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories