The Finale?

mabelgirl · February 1

So my mom has stopped eating and drinking much of anything. Been hospitalized twice within 2 months, now diagnosed with CHF. It’s been 2 weeks since the last hospitalization and she is not bouncing back. Unfortunately I had a trip to Costa Rica planned for several months now and no cancellation policy. Well of course she took a step down 4 days after I left, too weak to get herself off toilet. We already have hospice on board. I finally got to a hotel where I could check the cameras and in just the short she’s looking very gaunt and grey. Her rate has been in mid 40s. I’m thinking she doesn’t have much time or strength left for us. Am I just being dramatic?

housefinch · February 1

She has CHF and respiratory rate is in the 40s? That sounds grave. You are not being dramatic. I would be in touch for an update from the hospice nurse right away. Sending you comfort.

Quilting brings calm · February 1

Yes, ask the hospice nurse for an estimate. If they don’t give you one, then they don’t think things will happen before you get back. Mom’s hospice started coming on every day 10 days before she passed. They told me the last 36 hours or so to call in who we wanted to see her.

I don’t know anything about CHF and respiratory rates. Please don’t beat yourself up about being gone. You could be right there and still be down the hall or asleep. I almost missed mom because I took my son to get something to eat - and hospice had said it was ok to go eat

In mom’s case, they told me that as long as she was eating and drinking something, then it would be a while. Mom didn’t hardly eat anything, then she didn’t eat anything. Then she was drinking a little with a straw on Monday, but wasn’t really coherent. On Tuesday she didn’t know what to do with a straw. That was it for drinking. She passed on Friday. You can search for my posts in October and November last year to see her progression.

JeriLynn66 · February 1

Heart or respiratory rate is in the 40's???

harshedbuzz · February 1

@mabelgirl Ugh, this is such a difficult place to be.

My experience with both MIL and my dear aunt was that as long as they were ingesting something, they would be with us for a while. Aunt who had dementia, would go on NPO strikes for a week or so a couple of times before her final one. My MIL, who didn't have dementia, but was very frail (82lbs with a history of disordered eating) survived just over a week after her last food or water.

I don't know if this applies to your situation, but when I go back and look at photographs of my dad taken in the last 2 months of his life, I am shocked at how awful he looked. Especially in the final 2 weeks when his appearance morphed further, and you couldn't really tell if his gender even. I wonder if she looks worse to you on camera than she might in person. FTR, he ate a lunch of Chicken tenders, fries and a milkshake hours before he passed.

Cobbling onto something QBC mentioned, sometimes a person at end of life seems to pick their audience. My MIL seemingly chose the moment her oldest son stepped away from her bedside for a shower after spending 3 solid days in the recliner in her room. His wife took his shift; MIL passed before BIL made it to their home. My friend's dad held on until his daughter arrived and chased her mom to get something to eat. Even if you were there, things might not play out as you imagined.

HB

mabelgirl · February 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/235450#Comment_235450

heart rate

mabelgirl · February 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/235452#Comment_235452

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/235424#Comment_235424

thank you

mabelgirl · February 1

per my sister hospice just said her decline would be fast. I’m the more demanding and wanting details and data , she is the emotional one; thus they probably only told her what she could handle. Thanks for response.

mabelgirl · February 1

my sister has said yes her face and arms have changed . Color is definitely grayish. I would suspect a heart rate in the 40s to keep her color off, we’re olive skin toned . Thanks for the reply.

housefinch · February 1

Sending you hugs and comfort. Heart rate in 40s is likely end stage. You are a wonderful daughter who has taken great care of her.

Anonymousjpl123 · February 2

I don’t know about end stages but I know from your posts you have taken amazing care of your mom. We cannot control everything. Take care of yourself, take care of your loved ones, take care of your mom. You have done right by her. Do what feels right now - trust your gut.

ALCB · February 2

I'm so sorry. She is probably in the end stage. Sending you, your family and your mother lots of strength in this time. We're all here if you need anything else.

Quilting brings calm · February 3

@mabelgirl

Any updates?

mabelgirl · February 3

I’m back home and with my mom. She was not sleeping and her breathing is labored. She’s on morphine and finally slept through the night. It’s so extremely hard to see her struggle and her pleads to go are heartbreaking. Please pray God is ready for her to come home very soon and make her whole again. Thank you everyone for the support.

fmb · February 3

@mabelgirl Prayers for your mother's peaceful and painless death. Be comforted in the knowledge that she will soon be made whole and be in the presence of the Lord and loved ones who have gone before. Holding you close in your lonely vigil. ((hugs))

housefinch · February 3

Praying for her and your family. I’m glad you are with her and am sending you comfort, strength, and peace.

psg712 · February 4

I too am glad you can be with her as she nears the end of this heartbreaking journey. Peace and comfort to you.

mabelgirl · February 7

It was a peaceful finale , 34 hours after I got home. The night before I got home I clearly heard her voice calling my name. I got to talk to her and give reassurances that her children grandchildren greats and great greats are fine. That she did a good job in raising up fine adults. I was by her side when she opened her eyes and took her last breath. We have an amazing God as he knew that I needed that to see her through to his arms. I picture her in heaven whole again thinking clearly surrounded by my grandparents whom she adored , her grandson (my son) making her laugh with her other grandson in his arms. She’s holding the baby girl she carried to term but never saw. My aunts, uncles, cousins are also welcoming her home.
I will continue to pray for everyone taking care of a LO through this disease whether in your home or elsewhere. It’s truly a very hard journey.
God Bless.

housefinch · February 7

Thank you for sharing your update. Wishing you rest, comfort, and peace during your time of loss. I love the images of her being welcomed home.

fmb · February 7

I am so sorry for your loss, but thankful that you were there to reassure her and be with her as she was welcomed into heaven. Your beautiful description of her homecoming brought tears to my eyes. Take extra care of yourself as you begin the next stage of your journey. ((hugs))

psg712 · February 7

I am sorry for the loss of your mom. Peace and comfort to you.

jen ht · February 11

Thinking of you and sending love and prayers. What a beautiful description you've written of her welcome home. 🙏💜🫂

harshedbuzz · February 11

@mabelgirl

I am sorry for the loss of your beloved mother.

HB

ALCB · February 11

So sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength and comfort through this difficult time.

SusanB-dil · February 11

So sorry for your loss - yes, she is at peace, now.

Now - you take care of you! ((hugs))

ronda b · February 12

Sending love and peace.

The Finale?

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