Burnout

Dear Cindy- First of all- I’m sending you a big fat hug! Yeah, it sounds like you maybe waited too long, I think that’s called human. If I recall correctly I don’t think your wife has been accepting of the idea so that makes it hard on you to get someone in. You’ve been beyond amazing and now the best thing you can do is get someone in soon so you can get some rest. You haven’t failed!!! But you have to keep yourself in one piece so you can keep going. And that’s the BEST thing you can do for your wife. That’s the place I’m fast approaching and I feel what you’re going through! The quote on my avatar for this group says “Asking for help isn’t giving up, said the horse, it refusing to give up”.
Sending you love!

Karen

Please don’t feel guilty none of us were trained to do this job, none of us wanted or expected that life was going to take this turn. Exhaustion comes from working and caring so very much. Just breath slowly in and out, as my friend who lost her husband after a debilitating 5 months, one moment, one hour, one day at a time. Walk in the sunshine if you get the chance and breath, take one day at a time. Now it’s time to be kind to yourself. Sending hugs.

More hugs coming your way! I think this is a natural feeling, but we have to work to shake it off. Easier said than done, I know, but just keep breathing and when you can, maybe change the voice in your head even temporarily, to the one that says "I'm doing my best", "We are both important", "Caregivers need support too".

Whatever affirmations you can think of, to shift the negative thoughts when you notice them. I just wanted to say, yes this disease is about you also. It affects both people. Please don't beat yourself up on top of all that you have done to keep you both afloat this long, through the most unbelievably challenging circumstances. You deserve an award for just persevering, for all the ways you have lived for two — when just living for one is a heck of a challenge most days. You are not weak, or giving up, or less than, for accepting whatever help is available to give you a tiny bit of breathing room. FWIW, you could have been looking for a daytime aide and just not found one, which happens to many of us. So, I say congratulations and good for you to be starting that process now!

Caregiving and staying in the workforce is a heck of a lot to even attempt. Yet you have been doing it. You are strong and now getting assistance as your LOs disease progresses. Makes sense to me. So, you are getting help just in the nick of time and it probably is a shock to your system to deal with yet another change, even though it is a good one. That is stressful too so it makes sense that you might be feeling like things are spiraling and too far gone. Please keep breathing. And remember those positive thoughts. Some days, I just say silently, "I can do this". or "It's OK".

I don't know how you do it…caregiving and working…I can barely manage caregiving. That is a herculean task! I can do it physically, so far, but am slowly falling apart emotionally. I was never cut out to be a nurse, but now have to learn to be at least a somewhat acceptable one…can't say I'm particularly good at it! Hope you enjoy your vacation…not like taking a trip to Hawaii or somewhere, but at least you'll have some times to make some changes and get some help.

((HUGS))

I realized pretty early that I'd have to choose between job and caregiving. I knew that 24/7/365 caregiving was not for me, and I loved my job. I also knew we were young (60) and I didn't want to be out of the caregiving gig and also out of work with no current experience and no contacts.

I kept the job and put my dh in an excellent care facility in the next town. It's far, but worth it. He's gotten great care and mostly likes it there. I don't think he would have mostly liked being home with me all the time.