From Maybe to Reality

Maru · February 14

Just need to share with someone who won't have to carry my burden…i.e. the kids.

Twice within this week DH has told me he isn't thinking very well. It is possibly because he has been working on the taxes. I thought that he would be able to gather all the necessary paperwork this year and we planned on filling out the forms for the tax guy together. As it turned out, gathering all the paperwork, the 1099s and such just became too much for him. Even though I told him I would take care of a particular section of this, he continued to fret over it and kept going though all the papers for hours without making any sense of it. This morning I physically took all the 1099 forms and the related papers to the things that were still pending, sorted them out and put them in my "office". I hope this eases his stress and maybe get his "thinking" back on track. I know that I am dealing with a dying lightbulb, but I just want to keep his cognition going a while longer.

Several weeks ago he started falling asleep, even with company here. Yesterday, he fell asleep for an hour in the afternoon and then later in the evening as well. I see him slowly slipping away into ALZ. I'm not ready to lose him.

charley0419 · February 14

take one step at a time , my wife progression is very slow guess I should be happy as not much makes you happy with this continuing nitmare

trottingalong · February 14

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72284/from-maybe-to-reality

It truly does become one day at a time. My husband would stress so much about such things that over time I took over more and more and just didn’t say much to him about what I was getting done. I’ve also learned to think before I say something or ask a question. Sometimes he will hyper focus on trying to do something that he just can’t do any more. My husband has been saying he feels foggy at times for years. Now he says he feels confused, and he’s getting like his mother. But he still will say he doesn’t think he has dementia. So I have learned to enjoy the little things, especially when he laughs. I loved his quick wit and his belly laugh. So I miss him and I miss our life. And I do get sad watching the love of my life slowly slipping away. I also don’t talk to my kids much about my feelings or stresses, but they are aware of his decline.

Biggles · February 14

Be kind and gentle to yourself and your DH. Take the advice of the others - one day at a time. We had our own architectural drafting business our son was doing renovations and asked his Dad for plans to be drawn up. My DH agonised over the drawings and just couldn’t get them to work, couldn’t make sense of the computer and commands that he needed. It was so very sad and the realisation was there. Take care good luck.

RetiredTeacher · February 14

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72284/from-maybe-to-reality

Maru,

I hear you and many of us have been where you are. I tried fir a while keeping him involved or that was my goal. Unfortunately my DH struggles with the simplest of decisions, gets frustrated easily and is no longer capable of doing those things. I do not want to add to his frustration or make him feel inadequate so I no longer involve him in things like that. He actually seems relieved letting me take care of things. As someone on this forum wisely said, the cavalry is not coming. It's on us. It's all on us. We can't change our circumstance but we need to change our expectations. I wish you peace during this extremely difficult journey.

Stan2 · February 15

My DW was bookkeeper and tax preparer for many years. She did independent bookkeeping, kept books for two of her own businesses and one that we owned together and owned a H&R Block. She took care of all of our family finances for over 50 years. She can no longer balance a checkbook. As this terrible disease started to take her, I slowly took over things that caused her anxiety. Every now and then she will ask if the taxes are done or "how are our investments doing ?", but for the most part she just let's me deal with it. I have found that if I can keep her well fed, exercised, and stress free we can have a fairly smooth relationship. Every case is different and this may not be your answer but at this point it's working for us. The hardest part so far for me is to not say things that remind her that she has forgotten something.

annie51 · February 15

This insidious disease is such a slow, timed release loss of our LO and it is so sad in many ways. With that said, there are still little joys to be had, flashes of the person we once knew coming through on occasion, or days where we feel like we’ve done a good job at caregiving. Hang in there…we’re with you!

v3 · February 15

Don't expect any level of ,well, anything on any day.

Any humor, memory or insight that happens that day is a gift.

From Maybe to Reality

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