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cmcontrat17k
cmcontrat17k Member Posts: 5
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner
My DH was diagnosed 3 years ago with VD, he also has diabetes..When I look back, I know it started sooner. He is progressing and I am facing new challenges like driving, of course I have the keys but everyday he will ask.

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  • charley0419
    charley0419 Member Posts: 410
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    the not driving us the worst , my wife still after 2 yrs bothers me to drive

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,862
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    Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but happy you found this place.

    Ah, the driving thing. The very last conversation I ever had with my dad was about bringing his car to the MCF "in case he needed to go somewhere". By that point I was able to promise, as it's kinder to tell a PWD what they need to hear rather than the unvarnished truth.

    HB

  • cmcontrat17k
    cmcontrat17k Member Posts: 5
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    thank you, I guess it’s all about small white lies and distractions..i am still trying to figure out how to use this and have many more questions.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,285
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    read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and search for Tam Cummings videos on YouTube. They are very helpful. Try telling him the doctor said he can’t drive and that you are now his chauffeur. Worked for me. Some have said the car is in the shop but that’s difficult if you only have one car and he knows where it is. You could disconnect the battery and tell him it’s dead and you will call someone to fix it. You will have to repeat it every day and multiple times throughout the day. After you answer, quickly change the subject or distract with a treat. Ice cream worked for my DH.

  • tonyac2
    tonyac2 Member Posts: 3
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72501/new-to-group

    This may sound deceptive, but when my husband couldn’t drive anymore, I took the keys out of the drawer where we kept them. He would get so anxious and irritated when he couldn’t find them. So…. I went on Amazon and found a dummy fob that was an exact match to the real one and switched them. It calmed him down to see the keys in the drawer, and I’d tell him the battery must be dead when he’d try it.

  • tboard
    tboard Member Posts: 38
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72501/new-to-group

    Driving has been a huge issue in our household. Last summer DH got the keys and went for a joy ride. I now hide the keys and he begs to drive. He no longer enjoys going places. He gets angry because he can not drive and that anger lasts all day.

  • bjt84
    bjt84 Member Posts: 8
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    My LO still drives but of course that will eventually end. Most comments imply the issue is binary - drive / no drive. Has anyone effectively employed a transition period whereby your LO continues to drive but only with you in the passenger seat?

  • Whyzit2
    Whyzit2 Member Posts: 79
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    bjt84, I did what you suggested and it was terribly stressful. It is better to bite the bullet and stop his driving than subject both of you and others to the risk of an accident. It is unfortunate that we don’t know the exact moment of when it is no longer safe to drive but we just don’t know for certain. DH is safe to drive until he isn’t. Why are you willing to take the risk? Is it his pride or your reluctance to deal with his pushback that you know will occur? You are in charge now as uncomfortable as it is. Best wishes

  • ronda b
    ronda b Member Posts: 165
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/238212#Comment_238212

    I tried that. He scared the crap out of me. So the driving was stop. I know you have read post about ins.not coving him if he has an diagnosis of alz.,vd,or dementia.

  • Anna2022
    Anna2022 Member Posts: 200
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    edited March 11

    I would talk to a lawyer about whether your auto insurance would cover liability when your loved one has a diagnosis of dementia. Better to check with a professional than rely on word-of-mouth. Plus, I imagine different policies say different things. Plus, who wants to find out the hard way - putting others, your loved one or yourself in danger?

    I agree with those who have said that they were scared to sit in a car with their loved one driving. That was me three years ago - DH drove so slowly on the highway that we were in danger. Part of what helped my DH to not drive was my absolute refusal to be in the car if he were driving. Pissed him off, but that helped him transition to being a passenger only.

  • Russinator
    Russinator Member Posts: 134
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    Several months before DW was diagnosed, as she was making a left hand turn, she failed to see a car coming towards her (both cars were totaled). Thank goodness the other person wasn't hurt. The paramedics took my DW to the local trauma center where she spend two days. She had a full recovery; however, she refused to drive again.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

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