And now cancer along with everything else

Please don’t feel guilty for thinking that an ‘off ramp’ ( as it’s known here) would be preferable to a lingering dementia death. I know you are correct in your thoughts that he won’t be able to handle the treatments. I have a good friend who had this and she had surgery and is still taking chemo every three weeks almost two years later.

I'm sorry that you have to undergo this double whammy. You are having to make the decision that I dread making…probably many of us here. When DH was first diagnosed, we had a discussion on what he wanted if faced with life saving treatment. But, it is one thing to decide that when it is just a "what if" and quite another to be the one who decides when it hits you in the face. Will the kids resent me if I allow their father to die sooner vs. later? I hope that I will be able to be strong enough to say pallative care only if it comes to that. May God give you the strength to bear this.

I know we all look at this differently but to me it is a no-brainer. I would much rather die of cancer than experience stage 6 & 7 and die of aspiration pneumonia or urosepsis.

Now in Stage 5, if my DW where to be diagnosed with cancer, I would let that run its course. Such a hard decision, but like others, I watched her father die an extended, painful death from dementia. I don't want that for her.

Our PWD has been in hospice, bedridden, for about 9 months. He is close to the end now. The last 9 months have been an emotional roller coaster nightmare for my mom that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The rest of us have hoped for a sudden end that never came (heart attack, etc). If it were me, I wouldn’t do any evaluation beyond maybe basic imaging and bloodwork. I would be prepared to at least ask the doctors for a very honest explanation of what to expect. (This can be difficult to get from some specialists who are just thinking of fixing a problem & not putting it into the larger context of your loved one’s situation). If you have a PCP or palliative care doctor you trust, get their big picture opinion and then use your own beliefs and values to decide. Sending you hugs and best wishes.

I’m so sorry about the cancer diagnosis. Someone posted on this forum that if you must make difficult decisions for your LO to “play it all the way out”. Little did I know that I would soon need that advice. My DH passed last August due to aspiration pneumonia. Before that he had a severe fast decline and wasn’t swallowing most of the time. The MC facility asked me if I wanted an XRay to confirm pneumonia. At first I said of course. The head nurse said if they found anything that they must transport him to the hospital. Then I remember the post. I asked the nurse questions and based on her answers I made the extremely difficult decision to not transport him and asked them to call Hospice. I did feel guilty but this group helped me realize it was the right decision for my husband. Had he gone to the hospital for a week to ten days and returned to the facility he would have aspirated again. My sister also has dementia and breast cancer. The oncologist put her on medication to slow the growth but it stopped working and they recently changed it. I hope when the time comes that her husband and children will not approve other treatments. Without the help and support on this forum I doubt I would have had the strength to make the decision. I do know what my husband would say. He would not want to live that way. Praying for your strength and comfort in the coming days. 🙏💜