Repetition

Stella143 · March 14

Hello All, I am a 68yr old women caring for my 94 yr old mom diagnosed with middle stage dementia . My dad was a saint caring for her for at least 5 years until he passed 3 years ago. We are a family of six and are all present to help care for mom we are very fortunate in that way. She lives at home but is never alone we all take shifts. My personal agony is the repetition and talking..she never stops and it is exhausting . I thought maybe I exaggerating so I decided to count how many times she asked for Tylenol one evening (she had a mild pull in her lower back ) I was with her for 6 hours and she asked the same question 141 times .. the next time I am with her she will focus on something else asking if she has milk , who will give her her pills etc .. we have a white board and I show her the answers but she does not stop..She will yell from the bathroom even .. has anyone else had this experience that could provide some insight on how to handle this ? I love her so much and I know it is the disease I often go home in tears because I have lost my temper .. Thank you

H1235 · March 14

We took my mil on a car trip out of state, before we realized how bad things were. It was hours of the same questions and conversations over and over and over. It was maddening. I found if we introduced a new topic discussion would change for a bit, but would eventually start repeating the new topic. I have no advice, but can only say I understand. My mom never repeats herself(memory is not the problem), but is angry and argumentative. Trust me that is no fun either. I hope you can figure something out.

jiffy · March 15

Wow, the only difference between you and me is that I am the caretaker 24/7. I volunteered to move in and help my parents when needed. This was decided during a family meeting, 5 years before my dad's passing and my partner volunteered to join me. My siblings don't live nearby but they come to help when we have important events. My Dad told me that Mom's mind was failing and it was difficult for him because of her repeat questions, over and over. I also noticed that he learned to tell her what she could accept, not necessarily the truth. Like when I took him to Target to buy a lamp. It cost about $80 but when she asked he told her $20!

Does your mom like to read? My mom doesn't remember anything for long but she will read an entire book and not want to put it down. Once she puts it down, she may start again from the beginning even if she marks the place. It keeps her busy and quiet all afternoon. I have a few books on hand that I picked up at local book sales. Her favorite lately is Aesop's Fables. Another activity is playing "Solitaire" not following the rules but it keeps her busy and keeps her hands from doing damage. Watching old family movies was another welcome pastime. Looking through family albums is good too but best if there are captions written by the photos. I recently purchased a hand exerciser that's made of different colors of plastic rubbery stuff. She doesn't understand it but it keeps her hands busy! She's confined to a wheelchair by the way.

When I need her to do something there can not be any distractions within sight. When I don't want her to do something I create distractions.

We have her on an antidepressant and another med that calms her down but a very low dose and she doesn't sundown anymore.

This is what's working for me and I wish you the best of luck!

cmbrooks212 · March 15

Repetition

Stella143

Mar 14, 2025

Hello All, I am a 68yr old women caring for my 94 yr old mom diagnosed with middle stage dementia . My dad was a saint caring for her for at least 5 years until he passed 3 years ago. We are a family of six and are all present to help care for mom we are very fortunate in that way. She lives at home but is never alone we all take shifts. My personal agony is the repetition and talking..she never stops and it is exhausting . I thought maybe I exaggerating so I decided to count how many times she asked for Tylenol one evening (she had a mild pull in her lower back ) I was with her for 6 hours and she asked the same question 141 times .. the next time I am with her she will focus on something else asking if she has milk , who will give her her pills etc .. we have a white board and I show her the answers but she does not stop..She will yell from the bathroom even .. has anyone else had this experience that could provide some insight on how to handle this ? I love her so much and I know it is the disease I often go home in tears because I have lost my temper .. Thank you

Oh my goodness, someone who is dealing with the same as I am. I am 71 years old and I care for my 88 year old mother who is in moderate stages Alzheimer’s. She has always repeated questions over and over and up until lately I was able to distract her. Now she gets up at around 9:30 and the same questions over and over until she takes a nap around 1:00 -2:00 then the question began again until bedtime. There is no distracting her. She gets frustrated and upset when I try to stop her. For the past two days I just feel like I can’t take it anymore. I get frustrated to the point of losing my temper and crying. I love her very much and my heart breaks to watch her going through this. I am her only care giver. No other help. I don’t know where to turn. She has macular degeneration and is almost blind. A number of health problems.

jiffy · March 15

cmbrooks212

Mar 15, 2025

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72545/repetition
Oh my goodness, someone who is dealing with the same as I am. I am 71 years old and I care for my 88 year old mother who is in moderate stages Alzheimer’s. She has always repeated questions over and over and up until lately I was able to distract her. Now she gets up at around 9:30 and the same questions over and over until she takes a nap around 1:00 -2:00 then the question began again until bedtime. There is no distracting her. She gets frustrated and upset when I try to stop her. For the past two days I just feel like I can’t take it anymore. I get frustrated to the point of losing my temper and crying. I love her very much and my heart breaks to watch her going through this. I am her only care giver. No other help. I don’t know where to turn. She has macular degeneration and is almost blind. A number of health problems.

My mom had cataract surgery in 2018 and can see better than any of us! But before I discovered her love for reading I would play her favorite music by John Denver. It was painful to listen to her sing along but it kept her busy during her 6 months on hospice. Also, after hospice, we started an antidepressant and a medication to calm her down. I wonder if books on tape would work for your mom. It wouldn't work for mine because she has difficulty understanding speech. If I want her to do something, I write it down and let her read it.

I hope you can find something here to help.

dancsfo · March 16

Does your mom expect an answer to the question or a response from you? This sounds a bit mean, but you can sometimes ignore the question, or just mumble an acknowledgement, which may be okay if the PWD does not even remember asking the question or just wants to talk and does not expect an answer.

If you answer properly, it may cause confusion if it appears that you said something out of the blue. You can try to repeat the question first, if that helps. (i.e. "you asked about the weather. It will rain later."

I realized that ignoring works sometimes, and it did not cause any harm and was better for me.

ARIL · March 16

Yes, constant repetition is a familiar symptom. I try to remind myself that this is the disease, and that my parent wants to converse with me and truly does not remember that we just talked about that same thing 10 seconds ago. (Sometimes this helps my patience.) I have found Natali Edmonds’s YouTube videos on dementia to be helpful, and she recently had one on this exact topic: it’s called “The Dementia Behavior That’s Driving Caregivers Crazy (and How to Fix It).” That title promises more than can be delivered, but the video does have some good suggestions.

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