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Moment of Being Overwhelmed with WHY?

WIGO23
WIGO23 Member Posts: 161
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Please no advice! Just a listening ear is what I need.

I am sitting at a Panera alone with an iced tea. I fled our home—literally—-a bit ago because I could not take another moment of being in the presence of DH with mild cognitive impairment from ALZ. I feel utterly alone in this moment and overwhelmed. I have no one to talk to that would understand. It occurred to me that if I posted here, strangers would understand. Maybe just admitting I am overwhelmed will help release some of the negative emotions spinning through me.

Yesterday DH developed a minor health issue, a muscle strain. For two days straight he has repeatedly asked me why he hurts, why does he have to rest, why can’t he go for walks—-WHY WHY WHY? I know the reason he repeats but it has gotten on my last nerve. I had to get some respite. I left him alone, something I rarely do. I don’t want to go back. I will, of course, but every bit of my self preservation says, “sit right here forever and drink iced tea”.😔

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Comments

  • CindyBum
    CindyBum Member Posts: 382
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    {{{hugs}}}

    We understand. Hang in there.

  • jfkoc
    jfkoc Member Posts: 4,131
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    understood…..

  • RetiredTeacher
    RetiredTeacher Member Posts: 91
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    It is safe to post here. Your feelings are real and raw and we do understand!! Post here whenever you feel like being heard. We hear you and will support you. Drink your tea, self-preservation is important! We care about you.

  • Russinator
    Russinator Member Posts: 154
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    ((HUGS))

  • Gator1976
    Gator1976 Member Posts: 11
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    I am new to this but there is a word others use, “redirect”. That’s what you need to do. I am signed up for 3 different groups to learn as much as I can about how to handle these situations quickly. You may want to go on the internet and type in:

    How do you redirect a person with Alzheimer’s disease.

    See what comes up, it should give you some ideas.
    (((((H))))

  • cat911
    cat911 Member Posts: 3
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    Thank you for posting, now, I know someone else has those temptations to run away from home….hang in there, my friend.

  • White Crane
    White Crane Member Posts: 985
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    Sending big hugs and understanding.

  • Mint
    Mint Member Posts: 2,993
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    sending a virtual hug

  • charley0419
    charley0419 Member Posts: 424
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    I feel for you we all do , matter of fact I just picked up meds for her with her now can find where she put , I did get annoyed now my night will be hell , my fault. Just found meds. Serenity NOW

  • ronda b
    ronda b Member Posts: 177
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    Hugs

  • Anna2022
    Anna2022 Member Posts: 206
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    I totally understand! We all understand. Sending you strength and support!

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,330
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    💜

  • Persuasion
    Persuasion Member Posts: 6
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    WIGO23, I understand you so well. Thank you for posting.

  • Carl46
    Carl46 Member Posts: 623
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    I don't blame you a bit, WIG. Enjoy your tea.

  • trottingalong
    trottingalong Member Posts: 551
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    A couple of days ago I felt the same. I drove to the beach, rolled the windows down while watching and listening to the waves crashing amongst the rocks. I hope you are feeling a bit better after your brief escape.

  • Jgirl57
    Jgirl57 Member Posts: 579
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    I hope you feel better after writing your post. It is extremely overwhelming!!!!(((HUGS)))

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 771
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    Glad you are safe at Panera and hydrating with iced tea. We get you. We were you, and still are, some of us anyway. Having a moment away helps. Solitude helps. Stay safe.

  •  Bridge4
    Bridge4 Member Posts: 19
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    WIG, thanks for sharing. Hope the temporary escape and the venting have been therapeutic. A great thing about this site is that so many of us are traveling similar pathways. Your note helps normalize what so many of us are feeling.

  • Chris20cm
    Chris20cm Member Posts: 13
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    I understand completely. DW is a question machine. All day, every day, what month is it? What time is it? How old am I? Where are you? What are you doing? Where is my purse? Where is my phone? Did we have breakfast? Where are we going? Who is the president? Is my brother still alive? Is Elvis gone? Is Willie Nelson gone?

    The shadowing drives me nuts. Severe separation anxiety.

  • marier
    marier Member Posts: 81
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    Hugs to you! I have "run away" multiple times.

  • ladyzetta
    ladyzetta Member Posts: 1,122
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    Take a rest, enjoy your ice tea, we all understand. I'm sending 🫂 hugs your way. Hugs Zetta

  • CampCarol
    CampCarol Member Posts: 183
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    That was me a few days ago at Starbucks, getting a ‘sweet treat’ coffee. I just had to run away from his rehab facility for a few and regroup. You are not alone, we all get it. Sending a virtual hug 🤗

  • deemac13
    deemac13 Member Posts: 1
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    oh I feel you. I can not leave DH alone for long. I have 2 cameras in the house. from 1 I can see all 3 exits and most importantly the kitchen. Enjoy your tea and your time.

  • cdgbdr
    cdgbdr Member Posts: 126
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    I still work and have taken days off, sat at Panera to catch up on my stuff and keep the companion with DH. I understand!

    I also get up at 5 and sit upstairs in solitude until he wakes up. I have to have quiet time!

  • Anna2022
    Anna2022 Member Posts: 206
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    I get up early, sometimes 4:30am or 5 in order to have undisturbed quiet time. It's proven to be more restorative than sleep!

  • Maru
    Maru Member Posts: 102
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    Understand. My DH, who is probably somewhere shy of stage 4, developed a rash after being on the Exelon

    Understand. DH, who is somewhere shy of stage 4, developed a rash from being on Exelon patch. That was about 4 months ago. Ever since then, he itches everywhere (no rash, no apparent allergy,etc) and has complained about it non-stop. I think something got stuck in his brain. Real or imagined, it makes him miserable at times. There have been times when I wanted to scream. Actually, I never thought about going to Panera's to excape. I'll keep that in mind. It has been helpful to me to remind myself that DH cannot help himself. I am slowly learning to be more patient, kinder and calmer.

  • Abby627
    Abby627 Member Posts: 21
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    Please read The 36-Hour Day. It has helped me so much. As much as we love our spouses, it gets almost unbearable at times. We are all in the same boat.

  • Pat Coughlin
    Pat Coughlin Member Posts: 7
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    We live in a residence for elderly. Breakfast time is also socialization time. The men who share my table have lost their wives. I ask general questions from time to time, but it comforts me to look at them and realize they went through what I am experiencing and found peace.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more