Dreaming of the future

TXGram · February 21

Your post was so uplifting. The Lord has been my strength through this as well. My faith has grown stronger as my husband and I walk through this. I always feel like I’m betraying him when I start to dream of being able to travel again and able to do things but I see now that this is a very common feeling. It doesn’t take away my contentment as I care for him.

RetiredTeacher · February 22

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/236864#Comment_236864

Thank you for the inspiring reminder that there is life after this and that Gid always has our backs....even when we sometimes can't see it.

tfnots · March 23

I sure appreciate the comments in this group. As I try to dream of a future and I wonder about the here and now.

Sometimes I feel like planning a getaway in the present time. But then feel it might be to early an ask of family/friends to help with my spouse when I will probably need their help more down the road. Is anyone continuing with their own lives while their family member is suffering?

sandwichone123 · March 23

When my spouse was about Stage 5 I realized either I could be a full-time caregiver or I could continue with the job I love. I wouldn't be a great caregiver, and we wouldn't have much money so he would also be dissatisfied. I didn't want to find myself in my early 60s with no job and no recent experience, so I placed him in a locked assisted living facility. For the first couple of years I took him out for lunch once a week and visited him another day after work unless I was out of town. I did some travel (a couple of times a year) for work, and one vacation.

Now I visit once a week. I took my dad on a cruise for Christmas, so I was incommunicado on several of those days. I did leave emergency information, but I also said that whatever the facility doctor recommended I approved. Nothing came up, but also I did not stress about wondering whether it would. My sitting around being miserable would not make him better.

tfnots · March 23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/239076#Comment_239076

tfnots · March 23

Thank-you sandwichone123. I appreciate your comments. I agree with you…it is hard, though. Part of the challenge for me is accepting that my spouse is out of my life..like they have already passed. And maybe that is a way to view it. Thank-you for your response.

RayeMc · March 24

I have often wondered about a future when this is over and if I'll still be able to have any type of life at all. I've felt guilty when I tried to imagine my life without DH and the possible relief I will feel at not being a constant caregiver but I see I am not alone in having these thoughts. I will attempt to no longer feel guilty but to feel this is just part of the process and that it is actually healthy. Thank you for your post.

Lilydaisy · March 24

That was a touching but realistic post in my view. We must be able to accept reality even when we try to be a little optimistic. And hope for the future is sometimes all we need to get through difficult times. Your life isn't over and you have to keep living it.

There are times when we are driving in heavy rain or snow and it seems it will never end. And then it does.

tfnots · March 24

Thank-you. As it's said 'this, too, will pass' Even if it seems so slow. Not all days are bad…but in the long view sometimes I wonder if there will be anything of me left when it's over.

Bridge4 · March 25

Great posts! They say attitude is everything in life. I truly believe this. Whether you shared a close, loving relationship with many great years together, or were barely on speaking terms when the dementia caregiver assignment was hung around your neck, our objective now is to sustain our own physical, mental and spiritual health so that we can be there to protect our charges who would otherwise descend into inhuman suffering. But we don’t have to do this alone. There are many ways we can help our LOs without destroying ourselves. Our lives go through many ups and downs, and just as we savor the many joys we were blessed with along the way, we must also accept the reality of our current burden as caregivers. But never give up hope. WE carry the memories of all those years together with our spouses- the big events and the quiet moments; and can honor our LOs by staying in survival mode so that we can share their memory with others instead of letting this disease take us down with them. Don’t be ashamed to have dreams. Let your hope for a brighter future burn like a candle that helps to light your way through the darkness. Thanks to all of you who continue to make this journey survivable by sharing your wisdom and inspiration.

tfnots · March 25

Thank-you I appreciate your encouraging words. Guilt is a tough one. There is a lot of suffering in the world and I can't change anything, only me and my reactions. And I know I need to apply this perspective to my very personal situation right now but it can be hard.

Carl46 · March 30

I am 78 years old and still working full time, as a caregiver for my wife. I have worked full time since I was 16 years old. I feel no guilt at all in thinking what I might do if I ever get to retire.

KathyBol · March 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/71801/dreaming-of-the-future

I needed this post this morning. I was awake most of the night feeling so sad about DH in MC with his girlfriend. I am going to try to be happy for him. I will ask that staff gets him ready to go out when I come to visit, and will stay out of the unit. I hope this way I don’t have to see him be affectionate with another woman. I won’t be upset or cause him to be upset. I am also planning a trip with sister! Thank you!!

tfnots · March 30

Oh dear…I haven't thought of that possibility. Another 'friend'. I can imagine it is hard…life should be so different. And here we are. I think a trip with your sister is a great idea. As it's said we sometimes have to 'just do it'.

Dreaming of the future

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