Failed my first test

saundersss47 · April 11

Since my husband’s diagnosis about a month ago, I have been super focused on not over reacting, arguing, correcting him if he’s wrong, etc. and have been doing really well. Yesterday out of the clear blue he told me he had made a decision. I asked what decision he had made. He told me that he decided he was going to go to Florida this summer for a month and I could stay home. We go to Florida and spend the month of February, so we basically just got home. I started pointing out all of the reasons we weren’t going in the summer and he started getting angry with me. I asked him why he was starting a fight over this. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I realized that this wasn’t him picking a fight it was the ALZ. I backed off and told him we could look into it and all was well again. So, I failed my first new test but I look at it as a learning experience. I know that there will be more and I might fail again, but I’m really trying.

Carl46 · April 11

A successful Cub Scout project is one in which no one gets hurt and we learn something. This sounds like a successful project to me. Good job.

trottingalong · April 11

I’m impressed! I’ve had more than one fail and I feel quite proud of myself when I manage to turn around an escalating problem discussion.

Maru · April 11

Been there, done that. Oh, the guilt. But, as Carl 46 said, I learned something. I am not perfect, but I can keep trying to be the wife DH needs me to be now.

blacksparky · April 11

You did good. After over 2 years of my DW with EO, I have learned so many lessons on how to redirect my LO. Even with my experience so far I still sometimes start to argue without even knowing I did it. Don’t be to hard on yourself as this horrible disease sucks….

cavenson · April 11

You definitely didn't fail. As I used to tell my students, you learn much more from your mistakes than from what you got correct. You're doing great, particularly since your husband's diagnosis is so recent. For some of us, it has taken years to learn how to best keep peace with a loved one with Alzheimer's. Be gentle with yourself.

t210 · April 11

saundersss47,

I agree with the others….don't be so hard on yourself!! This disease brings so much unpredictability in conversations and I have a very difficult time not over-reacting or showing my frustrations with my husband (diagnosed last Spring with either VD or Alzheimer’s through cog-psych testing. He doesn’t want invasive medical testing to determine specifics. I agree because we haven’t seen improvement since he had 4 heart stents last Summer and the treatment would be the same).

jehjeh · April 11

This disease is so tricky. DH seems coherent and I often respond in the way I used to. Trying to discuss something which sounds to him like I'm arguing with him. In the moment, I forget that I'm stepping into a minefield. It's hard to be vigilant at all times. Especially if you're also sleep deprived and exhausted. No need for guilt. We all get it.

tucson anne · April 11

One of the lessons I learned early on was that you totally have to discard your old mode of interacting with your person. Even if he/she seems to be treating you the same as always (respectful/denigrating/irritated, etc), if you respond as you did in the past, it won't go well. If he always had to win an argument, and you always had to show that he was wrong, and you now do the same, it will make you frustrated and annoyed. As one wise woman in a CG group I went to said;"lower your expectations; then have no expectations…" It's a journey, for sure

Old Iowan · April 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72774/failed-my-first-test

IMHO 1. Don't be to hard on yourself!! He's probably already forgot the situation. IMHO 2. In sooooo many of life's situations the best you can do is all you can do.

Failed my first test

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories