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Vascular Dementia Coping

patsans
patsans Member Posts: 3
First Comment
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

As recommended by another user I am making a new thread here.
hello my husband is in a facility which is hard I’m 76 years of age and have been taking full care of him since 95.he had a lot wrong with him last summer he locked me out of the house.since then he was diagnosed with vascular dementia.my daughter and I have been visiting him on sundays the last three he has said some very hurtful things to us and asked us to leave which is very hurtful we aren’t going to see him for awhile. I was wondering how other people handle this situation .this site is really helping me out thanks

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  • charley0419
    charley0419 Member Posts: 434
    100 Likes 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    welcome this site a great place for ideas and help. I’m no where at where you are but I guess you know not same person you once knew, I guess stay away awhile

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,413
    500 Likes 1000 Comments 500 Care Reactions 250 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    it’s not him it’s the disease. I would try going at mealtime when he’s more distracted. Try redirecting or distracting him with something. Ice cream worked for my husband. Don’t stay long and don’t say goodbye when you leave, just slip out one at a time. Let the nurse know you’re leaving so she can distract him with something. Is he on medication for anxiety? Talk to the nurse or doctor about meds.

  • patsans
    patsans Member Posts: 3
    First Comment
    Member

    Thanks for the ideas! He is on meds for anxiety and his dementia. They have him on aricept and Zoloft. Some anxiety meds aren’t good for him as they make him violent. So we are making sure we are careful on what they prescribe for him. We did have a video call with him on Friday and seemed happy with that. My sister in law was with him at the time. Other family does come to visit and since he is getting back into a routine, he is not as angry. He has been in the hospital so much due to complications of his kidneys and feet.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,017
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Likes 2500 Comments 500 Care Reactions
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    @patsans

    My dad was very unpleasant when we initially placed him in stage 6. We found he had just enough wherewithal to cool it in public spaces, so we made sure to only visit him in the lounge or near the DON's office until that phase passed. During the early visits, I always took mom so I could pull her out of there at the first hint of nastiness. She felt guilty about placing him even after he became aggressive and wouldn't leave if I didn't physically remove her.

    I found it helpful to always bring a treat to eat when I visited. Cookies, soft pretzels, fast food lunches were all good distractions.

    HB

  • Russinator
    Russinator Member Posts: 184
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Likes 25 Care Reactions
    Member

    ((HUGS))

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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