How to Persuade Loved One to accept Day Care or Home Help?

Kweisser · April 14

My family has just intervened, to help me accept that DH should no longer be home alone. I’ve tried to persuade him that we need more household help, but apart from periodic cleaners he doesn’t want anyone else in the home. He is still strong and able bodied, but making so many poor decisions. I do think he would benefit from going to a day program, but he still insists he is able to care for himself while I am at work. Also, he is getting more aggressive. How have others handled this? Thank you!

SusanB-dil · April 14

Please tell his doc that he has become more aggressive. There are meds that can dial that back without becoming zombied. Seroquel has been a big help with MIL.

You could try telling him that the adult daycare is a senior center. Someone posted that they told their LO that he would be helping them instead of the other way around. For in-home help, sometimes it also works to tell your LO that you are helping the person coming in… a CNA needing more hours or experience for their certification, for example, or someone who just needs more hours to help with cost-of-living, perhaps.

nopost · April 15

Talk to his Doctor about meds and an elder law attorney about the driving and the finance issues. Did you get the documents — DPOA ; AHCD; etc already that you WILL need going forward?

I'm glad your family is supportive but as a spouse it is your time to step up and make the decisions to try to minimize the financial and lifestyle changes this disease will cause in your life. You can't look to him for agreement , solid advise or follow through. It's on you now.

SEE https://www.agingcare.com/topics/295/anosognosia

And having him placed may, at some point be necessary. If you don't have a DPOA then you may need to go to court to have him conserved- which is expensive , time consuming and with his behavior- dangerous for you .

Everything you have can be gone with a scam , a car accident etc. if he is allowed continued finance and vehicle privileges.

Have you talked to the no-charge Alz Assoc social workers - they can give you advise and support on how to plan your next steps.

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MN Chickadee · April 15

Could you attend the day program with him the first few times? Call it a senior coffee club or whatever may fly. Then after a couple short days you find reasons to need to leave, such as a doctor appt. You probably need to find the right therapeutic fib for someone in the home as well. A friend of your kids down on their luck and you have hired her to help out to be charitable, or a student who needs contact hours with seniors for her degree etc. Or just call them a house cleaner and you happen to have appointments when they come. No need to tell him what the actual deal is. After a few weeks they may be able to move from cleaning to more interaction with him as he adjusts but it does take a long time for people to adjust.

How to Persuade Loved One to accept Day Care or Home Help?

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