Won’t let me help clean him up

annie51 · April 15

This is not a nice topic, but you all know how it is in this forum. 😉

DH is at the point where he isn’t cleaning his behind well after using the toilet. We both have always closed the door when we used the bathroom throughout our long marriage. So now when I knock on the door and ask if I can come in or if he needs any help, he gives me an emphatic NO. I am assuming he is embarrassed or upset that he can’t do it himself or resents me for forcing myself on him, or else he wouldn’t get so angry about it. He also rarely changes his clothes or his underwear and is not taking showers (I’m using rinse free soap on different body parts when I can get him to remove his clothes). But when I try to clean his behind he sometimes just runs away from me. Oh and now he doesn’t want to wear underwear!

One time I said I needed something in the bathroom and that worked that time. I’ve also tried keeping the door open when I “go” but if he sees me he closes the door for me. 🥴. I’d love any advice because I know this is important!

Gator1976 · April 15

Time to get help I’m afraid 😔 Maybe some he doesn’t know, vs being embarrassed in front of you will help.

Biggles · April 15

Oh how awful all these hurdles are. I know you said he doesn’t like to shower or change his underwear or clothes very often. It may not help but I’ll tell you what we do. We have a long shower room with no door and we shower together most mornings, try like we all do, to make it ‘fun’ , one shower rose DH goes first he uses a block of pleasant smelling medicated soap, he goes straight to the washing of his backside, I concentrate on using a soft scrubber with my plunge soap on his back. Sometimes it’s quite yucky what he washes away but I tell him to make sure the soap is clean for next time. He carefully gets out of the shower, I finish myself and then I help him shave, actually I do it all for him. He has a spare room for his clothes and I try to keep track of his worn things. Exhausting as everything is it’s working so far. Good luck keep trying.

SDianeL · April 15

if he’s not on medication that might help. Some have had good results using a bidet. You can search on this forum for bidet and read the responses. I bought my husband Dude Wipes which are larger potty wipes. The only problem is I don’t think they are flushable. My DH would put them in the trash.

Marla13 · April 15

They do make adult diaper genies to dispose adult diapers and wipes to keep the smell down.

KathyF1 · April 15

My husband is the same, but maybe further along than yours (he’s stage 6). He’s on Klonopin and Seroquel. I have to make sure he’s had his meds before trying. The meds seem to calm him enough that I can at least wash the important parts. But like your husband, very resistant to changing clothes and getting in the shower. I would talk to his dr about the meds and look to that for help!

CindyBum · April 16

I know this is such a difficult thing, but have to laugh about the difference in my experience. My DW now asks me multiple times a day to check her hiney for poo. She thinks she's pooping a lot when she isn't. Let's just say spreading some cheeks and taking a good look multiple times a day was not on my list of things I ever thought I'd do. 😏

annie51 · April 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/241004#Comment_241004

My DH is also stage 6 but I have put off medications, thinking that the longer we can go without, the better. But feedback I’ve seen here tells me it may make my life easier.

Won’t let me help clean him up

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