Don’t know what to do

middlechild5 · April 29

My mom is 87 and quite stubborn and very mean, uncooperative and vindictive. She has enjoy of her wits about her to know when she’s doing as well as saying things to irritate me. She can say some very mean and hurtful things. This has always been her way like u hit me I’m going to hit you as hard as I can. She has always been one to have the last word u r never going to get around her. She has never liked being wrong and it’s 10 times worst. She is so difficult to deal with. She is constantly calling the banks saying her family stole her money. I turned her phone off and she called customer service on her landline, yes landline, and left me threatening voicemails. I can’t be around her very long before she starts all the accusations and I absolutely loose it because non of it’s true. It’s an impossible situation. She complains about everything. I live in a small town with no resources for anybody with dementia or the people caring for someone with dementia. I’m so down and out. ☹️😢

ARIL · April 29

Your situation sounds very hard, although many people here understand how you feel. You may find it helpful to call the free, 24/7 helpline provided by the Alzheimer’s Association, to help you learn more about resources available to you, locally but also remotely. The hotline is described here: https://www.alz.org/help-support/resources/helpline.

SDianeL · April 29

so sorry you are going through. If she has dementia nothing you say or do will work. She can no longer reason. Her reasoner is broken. You can’t stop her behavior. You can only change how you respond to her and her hateful words. Unless you can learn to not allow her words to affect you, your only option is memory care. We know how it hurts. It’s no longer her talking, it’s the disease. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husbands diagnosis. You might want to talk to a psychologist familiar with dementia who could help you. Hugs. 💜

middlechild5 · April 29

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/241891#Comment_241891

Thank you for your advice and understanding. I am familiar with the book. Read certain sections but not entire book. If you were around my mom you would never pick up on her symptoms which I’ve seen several people say this about their LO so I know it’s common. We have cameras in the house to see her since she still is able to live alone. Today she accused me of going in her purse and taking her medicine out although she was sitting next to her purse the whole time. She also said she going to get her medicine analyzed because she doesn’t believe it’s correct that I did something to it. She is relentless.i do appreciate u reading my post and responding.

Squirrelie · April 29

I, too am struggling with my mom and her behavior. I am an only child so I get to deal with this on my own. Same with my mom, if someone would come to her home they wouldn't know she had dementia.

She has been ordering different pills which she doesn't remember ordering and she signs up for subscriptions so I'm consistently having to scramble to cancel them. She uses her credit cards to order the stuff. I ask her which card she used and her response is I'm not telling you. I am the one that takes care of her bills so it is so frustrating. I have tried to talk to her about her spending money all time and her response to me is that I want all her money that's why I don't want her to spend it. No, I want her to have enough to last her.

kh945312 · April 29

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/72901/don-t-know-what-to-do

just wanted to say I hear you and understand the hurt. I hear all kinds of hurtful things from my mom, and it’s hard not to believe she realizes some of what she’s saying, even though maybe she really doesn’t. It doesn’t make it any easier. My mother complains to my own adult children about me and says I do nothing for her, etc. This has been going on for 8 years. Just wanted to say I understand and sending you good thoughts.

middlechild5 · April 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/241931#Comment_241931

I totally understand and my heart goes out to you. My mom does some of the same stuff. She doesn’t order things but says she has to pay bills but her bills are on automatic draft. She says that I hate her and only cared about my dad and all I want her for is for what I can get out of her so mean spirited. She called the sheriff on me last week so I had to talk to them and she said she’ll do it again. She intentionally blocks one of the cameras that r in her house so u can’t see her. Put the cameras in since she’s there alone. She is very difficult. I use to always be so amazed and saddened when people who work at care facilities say some people never have any visitors now I think I know y. I also pray Lord don’t let me be like that but it’s hard not to be when u have someone who constantly fights against everything. Exhausted

Lornanaugle · April 30

I just started browsing this site as the nurse practitioner said it's a good place to start. Your post is what I needed as I can see I'm not alone. My Mom is 98 and very stubborn. She fell a few years back because "I can walk. I always did this." and is in a wheelchair now. On top of that she is blind and can barely hear. I can imagine it is frustrating for her but she takes it out on me even though I do my best. She does live in a memory care facility….nothing is perfect, and her eyes play tricks on her. She thinks my 3 and 4 year old grandsons come into her room and color on her photos. I know it's not her, but it is her. She doesn't want to live and knows she is not independent . Accorinding to Mom I am taking her money. She has always been healthy, but her good health didn't manage an aging brain.

Don’t know what to do

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