Executive functions

Steven08 · June 1

my DW has lost a lot of her executive functions. It is my care responsibilities to take care of all decisions. She sometimes demands to know what is going on and i try to explain even though she won’t remember. I use DARE everyday as much as i can and also redirect, but it is a struggle. DARE is Do not ARGUE,REACT or ENGAGE.

cdgbdr · June 1

I try and fail often.

Gator1976 · June 1

We got into an elevator the other day in a 2 story building. I’m standing there and she is looking at the buttons. She say “where is 3?” I say why do you want to go to 3? She says”we need to go to the button and leave”. I say “there is no 3”. She says “ I know, where is it?” I said “push the 1, it’s the bottom floor. She says “OH”

Old Iowan · June 1

My DW has bascially lost her short term memory so like most all of us on this list….The best we can do is all we can do - You have my sympathy, understanding and best wishes for what comes ahead.

CindyBum · June 1

Absolutely a struggle and I fail at least once most days, but that means I’ve succeeded a lot. I try to give myself a break when fail, because I’m just a poor ole human doing her best.

Stan2 · June 2

We all do the best we can with what we have to work with. Once in a while when we turn out the lights at night, DW will say "thank you I had a good day today". I treasure those nights.

trottingalong · June 2

My husband will often want to know what’s going on, even though he will forget shortly. Most often I fib. I don’t want to say anything that can cause stress or have him hyper focus. I’m careful making appts in front of him. An example is our insurance notified me that our homeowners insurance is increasing (a lot) and I need to make an appt to discuss. I cannot tell my husband about any of this. So I will make an appt at a time when I am running errands. It’s a balancing act and often stressful for me. I shoulder all worried alone and that’s not an easy task.

LearningCurve · June 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73176/executive-functions

Thank you Steven. I am quite possibly a little too excited to read your post re: DARE.

tonyac2 · June 2

@trottingslong

It’s a lot for me to take care of two adults. The morning routine of getting my DH bathed, potty, dressed and fed is sometimes all I have the energy for. He can no longer shoulder any of the burdens of the house, car, family, himself - it pretty much all falls on me. Then there’s all the laundry, cooking, cleaning, yard work, you name it. No wonder I’m exhausted all the time. He can’t stand/walk, so I transfer him with a hoyer lift. That gets exhausting by the end of the day too. Weekends are the worst, especially the three day ones as his CNA only helps during the week. I’m blessed to have CNA help through the county, couldn’t manage without it.

Elizabeth607 · June 3

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/244539#Comment_244539

Me too…:(

Steven08 · June 5

my DW doctor and our attorney says i am doing what i can and should be doing right now. They say i am only human and they worry about me. Thanks to all who responded. I try and fail often and i treasure the good nights hit the mark. I have a 1 day a week care team member for 4 hours t help bathe, excerise, etc. for now. I know more will be needed later.

Steven08 · June 12

continuing the journey with hospital at home for pneumonia. Getting better but heartbeat issues. Continue each day with hope.

Dmarcotte · June 13

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73176/executive-functions

Thanks so much for sharing the DARE acronym - I have used it since reading this post and it worked!

Steven08 · June 15

DW getting over from pneumonia but i think it has worsened the dementia. She is more demanding sometimes, confused, and more fatigued. Her BP and heart rate are a concern now as well. Afib is also present now. The journey continues..

sandwichone123 · June 15

Any illness will usually worsen the dementia. Sometimes they will bounce back over a few weeks or months, but often they never rebound entirely. The book Being Mortal shows this graphically as a typical end-of-life sequence for many Americans, with or without dementia, in which there is a series of stairsteps down, followed by partial rebounds, but ultimately an uneven downward trajectory.

Steven08 · June 16

i viewed a utube video from a doctor on dementia. It was very interesting concerning communication with your person with dementia. It gave examples of what you shouldn’t do in trying to get that person to do something they say they will not do.

Stop correcting them to why this is their home, or what ever.

Stop arguing with the to convince them.

Stop reasoning with them.

Stop testing them like the questions some doctors ask, like do you know the date, etc.

No of these things work with some people and can cause arguing, stress, more refusing, etc. try to put yourself in the position of asking What am i trying to get this person to do? Then redirect them asking for their help in getting an errand done or whatever.

I tried this and it works. I fail to always win but it does help reduce arguing and my stress.

Stan2 · June 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/245801#Comment_245801

I agree, anything I can do to reduce DW's stress and anxiety reduces mine as well. I have come to refocus on what is important and what is not sort of reminds me of my old days on the job where we recommended the KISS method. Keep It Simple Stupid.

Executive functions

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