parent telling me mean things about sibling

I think that your response is fine, reminding her that your sibling loves her. There isn't much to say to challenge her favoritism, and nothing will change her mind. Most PWD get attached to one caregiver and prefer that person. But no one person can carry the responsibility alone for extended time. It's great that your sib shares the caregiving with you. Expressing your appreciation to him/her doesn't change the sting of being the non-preferred caregiver, but at least they know they are valued as a partner in the struggle.

It could also just be your siblings approach. I’m not suggesting they are doing anything wrong, more that it can be hard to choose the right words when trying to convince a lo to do something. There could be something minor that is causing your parent to become upset. It could also be that your sibling has taken responsibility for something your parent is having a very difficult time giving up. Dementia is awful!

my grandmother would not be nice to my oldest Aunt her daughter. Even though she was the one who took care of her. Now I am taking care of my mother and she does the same thing to me but it is mostly behind my back. She tells my brother crazy things like I throw her clothes out in the street. He understands though. I get sad about it but I’ve seen it before. My concern is that Mom will say something crazy to someone who does not understand.I have listened to her through “Ring” at the front door tell a solicitor how bossy I am and how mean I treat her.

I am glad I came across your post. I really feel you when you say it messes with your psych. My mom is recently widowed, and just turned 70. My sibling has honestly been carrying most of the load. Their schedule is more flexible to be able to go and help her, take her to appointments, do stuff around the house, etc. We've both been concerned about sudden changes with my mom's memory and behaviors. We decided one of us should go with her to her doctor appointment and start the conversation. Not both of us, so she wouldn't feel attacked. The doctor gave her an assessment and said she was borderline. But it could be due to other symptoms like depression and insomnia. She was reevaluated about 6 months later, and unfortunately neither of us could go with her. Her scored improved by 1 point. To which, she boasts she doesn't have dementia and nothing is wrong with her. However, when I was visiting her one day, I found that she had written down some very hurtful things about me. Written as if she had planned to read it to someone, like a script. I suspect she said it to her doctor because it had listed medications she was on, how she was feeling, etc. But she also wrote that I am telling people I think she has dementia so I can "declare her incompetent" and take her assets. She also specifically stated that my sibling does NOT think she has dementia. I've also noticed that when I am around she keeps her purse with her at all times, she even takes it to the bathroom with her. I made the rookie mistake of confronting her about the letter moments after finding it because I basically burst into tears. We do not do confrontation in our family, so this was super difficult. She claimed she didn't write it, but she couldn't deny it when she yanked it out of my hand. Then she scoffed and acted like it wasn't a big deal. I am having a hard time not taking it personal and just thinking it's just the disease. I feel like she truly believes what she wrote. It's really messing with me. And I'm struggling.