Bonkers

AlzWife2023 · June 11

I’ve been wanting to write but couldn’t muster the energy to frame everything that’s happened since I last posted so I decided I’ll just start in the middle…that takes less focus!

My son suggested yesterday that my life would be “ten times easier” if I did not have a dog. He is right. I spend an inordinate amount of time watching the door & my husband’s movements to keep him from letting the dog out or from taking an unleashed walk with the dog (DH should not be walking out alone much less with a hyper Australian Shepard).

My son has lived with us for the last two and a half years & it’s true that if not for the dog I could do all my chores without dragging my husband along (I do this cuz I can’t leave him at home with the dog…eventhough my son works from home, he can’t babysit them). I could go to the gym every day. It would be a huge change.

My son loves the dog but he’s a very rational person and sees the dog as a dog (not a baby), a responsibility, and, particularly in our current circumstances, a burden. I would never have thought of rehoming the dog myself, but since my son suggested it yesterday the thought has been troubling me. Am I being stupid? My son said anyone would love to have him & if he went to a farm he’d actually have a job to keep him busy. He’s a very demanding dog (my son’s words…and accurate).

If I had to work outside the house I could not have the dog. He’d be stressed and lonely. We got him almost three years ago after our old dog died. My husband took care of her b/c he was retired. When I got the new dog, I was working full time out of the house and not yet knowing or understanding what was going on with my husband. (It’s amazing how in the early stages we can have our own kind of agnosia …. Like all the strange behaviors of the PWD are suddenly just their new personality. Anyway, I digress.)

My son told me at the beginning that I don’t have to keep the dog and it was too stressful to think about. He came around again yesterday when I yelled at my husband “I’m gonna kill myself” because he walked out with the dog no leash etc. I haven’t lost my cool like that in forever but I’ve been on edge lately b/c I’ve been super busy: started a new eBay business, switching AFC providers, going on a trip in two weeks, getting deck painted, new roof, etc. I guess my outburst brought my son around to thinking that I would be much better off without the extra stress of this little fur ball who spends his day pestering us cuz he’s bored! & of course, not having to worry about DH wandering out with the dog.

It’s weird how the idea broke my heart yesterday and now it seems like a really good idea, for everybody.

I have a tendency to want it all, but often less is more, no?

Karen711 · June 11

Hi AlzWife- my wife too has walked out the front door with our dog not on a leash. This is what made me realize she could no longer be left alone, and further supported what I already knew- that I needed to find a way to bring a caregiver in to help.
It’s true that Australian Shepards are a breed that need a lot of exercise, are extremely intelligent and do need a job to do. I’m not sure that just “anybody would love to have” him unless they are familiar with the breed and understand the physical and time needs that breed requires of us humans. But also, how would rehoming your dog affect your husband? If I did something like this it would put my wife over the edge (not to mention me as well). In any event It also won’t solve the problem of your husband walking out the door on his own, with or without the dog, which you also say he should not be doing.
If you're curious to explore if there’s someone out there that could give your dog a good home though, I suggest you contact the nearest Australian Shepard rescue organization and see what they might suggest. At least they will be familiar with the special needs of that breed. Just a few thoughts on a tough problem.

Lgb35 · June 11

I understand what your son is saying, I have an Aussie mix and they are high energy. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Not to be critical but you mentioned your son lives with you and works from home. What is he doing to help? My DH is still working so not where you are however I also work from home. I have a tall gate in the doorway to the room I work in and my dog is in there with me all day. Maybe your son could try it to help you. Or he could take the dog for a walk or play ball with him. I am like you and my pets are like children not possessions. I feel like there may be other options. Maybe a latch up high on the doors to keep your hubby from opening them. Good luck. Keep us posted

l7pla1w2 · June 11

I placed DW in MC recently. We have a 13 year old dog that is less demanding, but I am aware that she still needs walks, needs to be fed, needs to be let out to pee. That all takes some of my time. She also likes to snuggle on the couch, so there's that.

It sounds like your Aussie is a bad match to your current living situation. I agree it would be good to contact an Aussie rescue group for advice, if nothing else. It would be really hard to surrender the dog to rescue, nearly as hard as euthanizing an older dog, but you would know the dog would find a new loving home.

You could consider getting a different dog, better suited to your life situation. But that doesn't help with the concern that DH might walk out the door, with or without the dog.

Chris20cm · June 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73252/bonkers

I had a similar situation, and I had to watch closely and keep track of the dog because DW would bring him outside when I was doing yard work and then forget him. I considered giving him back to the rescue agency but he is a great comfort, so decided to do the opposite and adopt a second dog. They are both small but well behaved and the provide comfort for us and companionship for each other. Yes, I have to be vigilant but we caregivers have become quite good at that. For me, the pluses far outweigh the minuses.

midge333 · June 11

I am a dog lover. My DW and I have had 4 labs. Our last one died when my wife was stage 4/5. I was starting to understand what was coming and decided against getting another dog. If my wife was in an earlier stage, I probably would have naively gotten another dog, not understanding what was coming down the road. I am so glad I did not get another dog as it would have been too much for me. I recognize everybody is different, but for me, not having a dog was better at this point in my life.

BPS · June 11

I have a small dog that I got for my wife a couple of years before she went to MC. He is a good dog but I have thought about giving him away as I try to start getting out more and starting this next phase of life, but when I go see my wife she never asks about the kids or grandkids but she does still sometimes ask how the dog is doing. I think your life would be easier without the dog, but I also agree with Karen71. How would it affect your husband if the dog was gone. If it would cause him to much stress no dog is much easier than a very active dog. What are you going to do with the dog while you are on your trip. That might be a good test.

AlzWife2023 · June 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/245346#Comment_245346

My son who lives with me walks and plays with the dog every day and my youngest son will be here to help with his dad and the dog while I’m away. There’s no doubt my life would be easier without a dog, but rehoming him would be stressful too & I do love him.

I really appreciate your insights and sympathy. When we got our first dog, my husband was able to take her to the park for long walks every day. We lived in the city then.

I was definitely confused when I got this little guy (he’s a mini Aussie). I just fell in love with him and things were so sad and confusing with my husband then.

AlzWife2023 · June 11

There’s no doubt that having a dog is like having a baby! If I knew then what I know now! Giving him away is another story tho. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It really helps.

Iris L. · June 11

AlzWife, I remember our discussion about your getting a new dog. You do have a lot on your plate. You are not Superwoman. I don't think you should consider getting a different breed of dog at this time. Consider one of the robotic dogs. They can be quite life-like.

Iris

AlzWife2023 · June 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/245322#Comment_245322

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/245373#Comment_245373

Hi Iris

I’m definitely not getting a replacement dog!

I think this little guy has earned his keep around here and my son’s comment was meant to be a get out of jail free card for me, to use as I see fit. Of course, today the pup has been an absolute angel, cuddling all day and napping with me.

Thanks to all for letting me vent.

AlzWife2023 · June 11

Good point about rehoming. I think my son said that b/c he loves him and thinks his great and wishes he had more time for hiking with the dog and agility training, etc. bottom line: he’s my dog LOL

Bonkers

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