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Preparing LO For Death of a Friend

Hello everybody! I hope everyone is enjoying their summers so far. I am writing to try and gain some insight on how to handle this situation, for me and my mom. My mom is 61 and in the moderate stage of her Alzheimer’s. We live in an apartment building and have been very close friends with the woman that lives above us for 12 years, she’s very dear to us. She recently received a cancer diagnosis, and it was unfortunately caught too late. She has 3-4 months, maybe longer if the chemo is successful. She is really the only person my mom will socialize with who does not live in the immediate household, so I am all frazzled about this. I adore my mother but being a caretaker at the young age of 26 has already burnt me out seemingly beyond capacity, along with going to school and now trying to obtain a job. And now I’m going to have to try to process my own feelings, but my mother’s, and my mom is losing her one line of socialization because she really is not fond of new people. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?? Or if anyone has gone through anything similar, any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much to anyone who took the time the read, much love to you all and your families.

Comments

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,438
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    Member

    Wondering if, even though she doesn't socialize easily, could you maybe try an adult daycare for a few days a week? It might end up helping you both if it works out. (We call it 'the senior center'.) Find one that just feels experienced and welcoming.

    In moderate stage, I know it might be hard to determine how mom will take the news.

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You need to also prioritize your well-being much more than you are.

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 915
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    Member

    How is your moms memory? If her friend passes and you tell your mom, will you be having to tell her again every day for the next few weeks or months. Will she be heartbroken each time. Eventually you may need to consider a fib that her friend is busy or visiting family, or just change the subject. My mother in law’s sister passed and we took her to the funeral, out of state. Within a few days of getting back she didn’t even know she had passes and was upset she hadn’t called. I agree with Susan that adult daycare might be a good option for both of you. It may take her some time to develop new friendships. Even if she doesn’t it would give you a break and her a chance to get out. This stuff is so hard.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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