Preparing LO For Death of a Friend

rosecoloredglasses

Hello everybody! I hope everyone is enjoying their summers so far. I am writing to try and gain some insight on how to handle this situation, for me and my mom. My mom is 61 and in the moderate stage of her Alzheimer’s. We live in an apartment building and have been very close friends with the woman that lives above us for 12 years, she’s very dear to us. She recently received a cancer diagnosis, and it was unfortunately caught too late. She has 3-4 months, maybe longer if the chemo is successful. She is really the only person my mom will socialize with who does not live in the immediate household, so I am all frazzled about this. I adore my mother but being a caretaker at the young age of 26 has already burnt me out seemingly beyond capacity, along with going to school and now trying to obtain a job. And now I’m going to have to try to process my own feelings, but my mother’s, and my mom is losing her one line of socialization because she really is not fond of new people. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?? Or if anyone has gone through anything similar, any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much to anyone who took the time the read, much love to you all and your families.

SusanB-dil

Wondering if, even though she doesn't socialize easily, could you maybe try an adult daycare for a few days a week? It might end up helping you both if it works out. (We call it 'the senior center'.) Find one that just feels experienced and welcoming.

In moderate stage, I know it might be hard to determine how mom will take the news.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You need to also prioritize your well-being much more than you are.

H1235

How is your moms memory? If her friend passes and you tell your mom, will you be having to tell her again every day for the next few weeks or months. Will she be heartbroken each time. Eventually you may need to consider a fib that her friend is busy or visiting family, or just change the subject. My mother in law’s sister passed and we took her to the funeral, out of state. Within a few days of getting back she didn’t even know she had passes and was upset she hadn’t called. I agree with Susan that adult daycare might be a good option for both of you. It may take her some time to develop new friendships. Even if she doesn’t it would give you a break and her a chance to get out. This stuff is so hard.

Colacho10

You've got so much happening already, and this is a huge, painful thing to add on top of all. I hope you are doing well.

I've been in a similar spot with my mom, who also had trouble with new people. When her best friend had to move to the care centre, it was really hard for her. The most important thing I learned was to be honest, in a gentle way. I didn't hide what was happening, but I also didn't want to get into all the details. I told her she would not be able to visit as much and gave her time to process it slowly.

What helped a lot was that I was there for her more than usual until I saw she understood the situation. I was so burnt out already, but I knew I had to push just a little bit harder for her. I found a new routine that made her feel much better. I just filled her time with something else she enjoyed to replace the time she spent with her friend. We went for coffee, took longer walks, and went for dinner. During that time, I tried to communicate with people more, thinking that maybe if I started the conversation, she would join in, and that way, find a new friend who suited her.

We met a lovely couple at a park, and day by day, she started to enjoy talking to them. After a few months, I invited them for a coffee, and since then they visit my mum once every week. I can see she misses her friend, but she doesn't feel that bad as in the beginning of our journey.