Just need to vent a little

@Bunny whisperer

I am sorry you we hurt and disappointed by your children being no-shows on Father's Day. It's frustrating when family doesn't have your back.

This is why I think it is critical for the caregiving parent and adult children to have a frank discussion of expectations. This goes double in a situation where parents move to access help from their grown kids. It's important to define what the parents want in the form of help and what the kids can and will offer.

I have seen this go sideways on this site many times. Some adult children subsume their own lives, moving in to provide lost income and taking on physical caregiving when they're not working. Some are able to offer a regular weekly break to which a caregiver can look forward. Some are willing to mow a lawn or drop off groceries. A few think forwarding random articles or critiquing caregiving is truly helpful. It might be helpful to have a talk about what you need to feel supported and what they can offer.

I can think of any number of reasons why you didn't see them on Father's Day. Perhaps they prioritized their families on the day or a father-in-law who can appreciate the gesture. Many adult children become detached from the PWD in a sort of visceral way as if that which is their parent is already gone; an adult child who feels that way would have been grieving and perhaps not up to a visit.

HB

@Bunny whisperer

Your follow up brings significant nuance to the story. How old are these men?

On one hand, adult children who live at home need to be active contributors to the household. On the other hand, depending on their ages, they've not had much of the father-son experience of their peers. The kind of apathy you're describing could be depression.

If they're home, could you just leave and expect them to keep an eye on their dad?

HB