When to go to memory care

Pat Coughlin · June 23

I sense that I will need to consider this for my DW later this year. When that happens, will she have periods of remembering?

BPS · June 23

My wife has been in MC for a little over a year and sometimes she asks when she can go home, sometimes she thinks that is our home and we both live there. She thinks she is there for some therapy and has been there for a week or two and she doesn't think about it much. I try not to say I will see you tomorrow, I say I will see you later. She assumes that I will be back in a little while and she doesn't have in idea of time, so when I come back the next day or whenever she is glad to see me but don't remember how long it has been.

sandwichone123 · June 23

When my dh first moved to memory care I would take him out to lunch every week. One time he wanted to drive by the house and see it, but he was content to go back "home" to his memory care. About a year or more later, he started talking about wanting to go "home," but I don't know what house he was thinking about. I don't think it was the one we had shared, but his language was so deteriorated it was not something I could figure out. That only lasted several weeks, and then his symptoms moved on.

SDianeL · June 23

no way to know for sure. If she says she wants to go home, make up a fib about why she needs to stay there. The doctor said, the house is being repaired, no electricity, etc. Many times anxiety causes them to want to go home but home is a feeling caused by their anxiety and not a place. I hope her transition to MC will be smooth and she settles in quickly.

Dio · June 23

You'll know when it's time for your wife to transition to memory care. Each PWD is different and how they may or may not acclimate will be different. My DH's move-in was nothing short of a miracle, went as smoothly as can be. But trouble started later…and even that has come to past. Wishing you much luck when the time comes.

LindaLouise · June 23

So true that each PWD is different. We all share so much as caregivers, but the way this dreadful disease progresses will vary dramatically based on what part of the brain is under siege. It's why I think non-caregivers, who might have seen one person with dementia, are full of advice and comments that have nothing to do with your unique situation. My dear dad was peaceful and sweet until the end, while my DH has had constant delusions, hallucinations and high anxiety and anger. He was a sweet, kind, loving man - the best dad and husband I could ask for. My brothers are under the impression that dementia "reveals" the true person - I've given up explaining that is so not true, because their experience with our dad proves they are right - in their opinion. After I couldn't keep him in the house, after needing to call 911 and install locks on every door and fence, and after he turned on me as someone who was taking over the business (I am actually a retired teacher and he was an aerospace worker) I sadly turned to memory care. He never asked to go home- but he was aware for awhile that he couldn't get out. He tried to pull fire alarms so the fire department would come and free them all. The MC staff was amazed I'd been able to keep him home as along as I did. So grateful that all of you here understand, and it is so helpful to share all our stories and emotions - this site has saved my mental health in so many ways, so many times. Thank you all!

Pat Coughlin · July 11

thanks to all who posted. Very informative. I will be better prepared when the time comes.

Denise1847 · July 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73349/when-to-go-to-memory-care

Hi Pat, It all depends on the track the disease takes. My DH remembered for awhile but hasn't asked recently. When they ask about home, the experts say that home to an Alz patient means something different. Home means a safe, familiar and comforting place to them.

ARIL · July 12

My LO has been in MC for 13 months. “Home” means different things at different times: sometimes it means the MC room, sometimes it’s a family house he visits sometimes on outings (not where he ever lived), sometimes it refers to his life as a child with his parents. And sometimes I can’t quite tell it refers to any specific place. It typically means comfort, safety, and love—or just somewhere you can eat and sleep.

When to go to memory care

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