New to this and looking for any advice!

Hello! I was there not long ago. She was in denial for a long time. She lied to me a lot to hide how advanced she was. I encourage you to keep trying to get her to a Doctor. Keep talking to her about what you see. I know that sounds like non-advice, but I had to keep on my mom until one day she just knew she couldn't do it alone. If there us anyone else in her life that she is close to, ask for help to convince her.

welcome. Sorry about your Mom. Your mom is not in denial. She has Anosognosia which is a neurological condition that prevents people from recognizing or acknowledging their mental health or neurological deficits. Someone here posted that “you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken” so no amount of talking to her will help. You need to have legal paperwork to be able to help your Mom. Make an appointment with an elder care attorney to get a DPOA and HIPPA documents. Tell her you are doing yours and both of you should go. If that doesn’t work you may need to talk to an attorney about guardianship. Call her doctor and tell the nurse your concerns and make an appointment, then make up a fib something like the doctor’s office called and said that your Mom’s insurance requires she have an annual physical. You will need to use fibs to get her to go. Go with her. Tell the nurse not to mention her cognitive issues to your Mom. See if you can get a referral to a Neurologist. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Come here often for info & support. Learn all you can about the disease. It will help you help her.

Welcome. What you noticing is probably not denial. A common symptom of dementia is anosognosia. This is the inability of a person with dementia to recognize their symptoms or even limitations. This makes everything so difficult. Pointing out symptoms or shortcomings tends to upset the person with dementia. There is a saying here that you can’t reason with someone with a broken reasoner. I would suggest you stop trying to convince her she has dementia. It’s best to be a bit more indirect, do things without her knowing, maybe even fib. I assume she has not been diagnosed. There are treatable reasons for dementia like symptoms. A doctors visit is a must. Could you tell her the doctors office called and she needs to go in for a routine checkup? I would then contact the doctor and explain your concerns. If you can get access to the patient portal that works great, if not a letter to the doctor may work. Do you have hipaa rights? While at the office casually ask her if it’s ok. Is she still driving, managing money? These are tough issues that usually become a problem in the beginning. Legal matters are also another important issue to address. You really need a DPOA. I assume you don’t have it. Again it might be best to approach this as “I’m worried about what might happen down the road. It’s really a good idea to have this kind of thing handled now.” It’s best not to mention dementia or any of her symptoms as this will just cause problems. If you have a specific problem you need help with ask this group. They are so helpful and understanding. I have attached a staging tool that is very helpful.

Hi there: I just want you to know you are not alone. I am also an only child (though I am 60), and I am dealing with similar issues with my mom. Unfortunately, all of my mother's issues are exacerbated by the fact that she has always had undiagnosed mental health issues that mean she rapidly fluctuates from charming to cruel (BPD), and was always very adept at lying and manipulation (NPD). She has been able to keep her "act" (and I do mean act) together for a short time and in public, but her ability to maintain a facade is starting to slip. She recently acted inappropriately and cruelly to me at my daughter's wedding. She has been increasingly paranoid and aggressive. She cannot keep track of important details and insists we are all lying or think she is "stupid or "senile." It used to be that she would pick fights occasionally, but she just wants to fight with family all of the time now. She absolutely refuses to acknowledge any cognitive or emotional issue. In my mom's case, this is not anosognosia but, rather, a lifelong pattern that has gotten worse (I am a clinical psychologist with geriatric experience, so I do know the difference). She has alienated dozens of friends over the course of her lifetime, so there are very few people left who can check in on her. Luckily, I am in communication with her attorney and financial advisor, and I am also in therapy. However, we are at an awful in- between stage in which her disease has not progressed to the point that she cannot live alone, but she is getting close. Because she is mean and a liar, it is impossible to have any kind of rational discussion with her. I would like to be able to get support from to others who have abusive/mentally ill parents whose symptoms are now exacerbated by dementia.

welcome. Sorry about your Mom. If your Mom is in mid stages of dementia, it’s probably the dementia causing her behavior and no longer her previous mental issues. If she’s not on anti psychotic medications maybe it’s time to talk to her doctor. It would help her anxiety and agitation. She won’t be happy anywhere anymore. Her brain is broken. They usually take out their anxieties on their primary caregiver. If you haven’t done so, read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my DH’s diagnosis. Can your adult son help her at night so you can get some sleep?

Hi. I am also an only child, 58. I have a Dad with dementia living in senior living but I am probably going to have to increase his contract to assisted living. Which he fights me on because he doesn’t need any help of course. My Mom died in January 2024, she was an alcoholic narcissist, Dad was an enabler. Mom came first and short of physical abuse was allowed to do whatever with the kid. As others have said, having to be responsible for them now brings up a lot of stuff. Most of the time I feel guilty it’s not all rainbows and sunshine and oh I just love spending time with my Dad and how fortunate I am to be able to spend this time taking care of him stuff that you see on social media