Is this Stage 5 and to what degree?

jj-m · July 7

My mom last week recognized me but didn't think of me as a daughter but maybe a cousin when I asked who do you think I am? Later in the day she kept asking what my relationship was to my brother. If I knew my Dad - I think she forgot about my Dad until we started going down memory lane. She was glad to know my dad was at my weddding…she didn't remember at first. She was very upset at first and apologized for not knowing I was her daughter. I said it is ok. She will bring up at times and ask what my mother and father were like? What was my brother like when he was little though will say his name and doesn't mention he is my brother. She also said once "(my name) and I went into that house once to look at their floors." Again it wasn't "you and I" that was used. I think I cried all the way home when I felt she didn't recognize me. I was not prepared for this nor is anyone. Just didn't expect it yet. It always seems like she recognizes me…. if I say my brother's name and state we are brother and sister - she will go "well I know that." So I don't think it is all time. Would this be mid stage 5? or not necessarily? Later?

psg712 · July 7

I don't know exactly what stage this is, but I recall that my mom's understanding of family relationships fluctuated quite a bit for several years(and sometimes still does, even though I believe she's a solid stage 6 at this point). She went for months not being able to say my name or what our relationship is, then astounded me by telling a hospital worker that I'm her daughter. At other times she believes I'm HER mother. Her grandson is her "little brother".

I know that it hurts to hear your mom's confusion about your relationship. It sounds as if she still knows you, in the sense that she recognizes you as a loved one who cares about her and on whom she can depend. I am grateful that there is recognition and welcome in my mom's eyes when I visit. My name is not important any more. It's just a piece of data that has slipped away. The love is still there.

ARIL · July 8

I estimate that my dad is stage 6 now. He always is happy to see me, and I just tell him who I am: “Hi, Dad! It’s Sharon.” This seems to orient him for a while. But he calls me by the name of other people who have been close to him, and sometimes I think he expects his daughter to be a little girl. The relationship words and the words for people (names) are just labels. At least at this point, love and recognition are still there, even if the labels come unstuck.

To the extent possible, I try to tell him who is who. “Look, Dad, here’s John, my husband, your son-in-law. Isn’t that a pretty shirt he is wearing?”

SDianeL · July 8

it could be late Stage 5 or Stage 6. Difficult to determine stages due to many factors such as what part of the brain is affected. I would always introduce myself when I visited my DH. I would say hi, it’s me, your wife Diane. My DH thought my daughter was me. It’s heartbreaking when they are unable to remember names and relationships but I do believe that they know you are someone they love. Hugs. 💜

SiberianIris · July 9

This sounds a lot like what Rachael Wonderlin calls "Timeline Confusion". A person with dementia often imagines themselves as younger than they actually are, and therefore think of their children as they were when they were younger. So when they see their 60 year old child, it confuses them because they think their child should look like a 30 year old instead of a 60 year old. The dementia mind tries to make sense of this, so they think the 60 year old facing them is their brother instead of their son.

My mother (stage 5) is 96 but thinks of herself as something around 65. My name is similar to my aunt, her younger sister, so sometimes she thinks I'm her younger sister (I'm 60). She talks about "our father", who is actually my grandfather. Other times she still knows I'm her daughter. Sometimes she thinks Siberian Iris in person is a completely different person than Siberian Iris on the phone.

It's best not to put someone with dementia on the spot by testing them or correcting them. They will quickly forget what you told them, but the embarrassment they felt will linger on and they won't understand why. Best to just roll with whoever they think you are that day. Yes, it is painful, but not nearly as painful as being tested or corrected. Once I learned to roll with it and live for the moment in her reality, I was rewarded with interesting stories of things "we" (mom and her sister) did. I have no idea if what she's telling me is accurate, but I love seeing the joy in her face.

Racheal Wonderlin has an excellent podcast called "Dementia by Day". The episodes are short but very informative.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8uIiLKUp_o

Is this Stage 5 and to what degree?

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