Girlfriend reprise

I can totally understand all the feelings that are going through your brain now. Being married for so many years and being committed to your vows is a lot to ask any person. Especially when it comes to for better or for worse. As much as it hurts you to see your LO has been flirting with his girlfriend, remember it is the disease and not him. I’m sure if I were in your shoes, it would initially hurt my feelings until I realized that it wasn’t my LO doing this but it was her brain malfunctioning. I would tell the facility to make sure it doesn’t go any further than flirting and hand holding or kissing. If it did move to more intimacy I would then be very upset and would want them to handle it. I would be happy that my LO had somebody for her to get through the days. I know that this is not what you want to hear but I’m just letting you know how I would handle things. Wishing you the best on how to handle this.

Since there is another wing and a move for someone—DH or the gf—is possible, then this seems a reasonable request to make of the management. They should honor your wishes about location. If nothing else, you are paying the bills and have the ability to move DH to another facility entirely. I wouldn’t start with that threat, but they know it as well as you do. It is in their economic interest to work with you.

Others would have a different reaction, but that doesn’t mean your response is wrong. It feels like aggression—not by your DH, who has a dreadful disease—but by the management, although they are probably just unthinking rather than malicious. Even if they aren’t unthinking (and moved her to be near him?!), they are not thinking about YOU. You have enough to worry you. Since this upsets you, ask for him to be moved.

I am sorry. This disease is painful in so many ways—and relentlessly so.

I am so sorry this happened to you and your DH. I understand it can be upsetting to watch and hear. Maybe talking to management about when a room becomes available in the other wing, you would like first choice to move your DH. With that being said, I too think I would be okay if my DH had a friend to talk, hold hands and give him something positive everyday. It makes me sad to see him alone. There is no right or wrong, just what is best for you both.

Could it be possible the facility did it on purpose because it brings a source of joy and happiness to their otherwise miserable situation, which makes them easier residents to care for? Even though it seems insensitive to the spouse, I could see why management may see these types of relationships as being a net positive for their residents.

I understand your pain. Earlier this year, the MC called and told me that DH and a female resident had shared a consensual kiss on the lips. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I literally felt sick. I'm so sorry the MC was so insensitive .