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Ever Moved LO From One MC to Another & Regretted It?
New to realizing no care team in the world can care for LO like I did in my home, emotionally/general attention/wants & needs, although clinically I could never keep up! Tell me of times where you felt similar and moved a LO to a different MC only to find that the previous team (although imperfect) was actually doing well,…
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shaky departure on a low staff day for dad's memory care plus recent "unwitnessed" injuries
Hello all, Dad really wanted to come with me today as I was leaving. He hasn't done that for a while, so I was out of practice. It was also a very low staff day today. For instance, I had to ring the doorbell three times (with long wait periods in between) for someone to come let me in. So I know there's a pretty good…
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Seeking thoughts on timing for MC
I've been the sole caregiver for my 79-yr-old DW for almost five years. (I now have aides two mornings a week.) She has ALZ and vascular dementia, probably now in late stage 5 / early 6. The past six months have seen a sizable deterioration. There may be "silent seizures" involved. She is still fairly healthy physically,…
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what is expected in memory care?
I am trying to understand what is expected in a memory care facility regarding personal hygiene, dietary needs and housekeeping. We just moved my dad (just turned 86) from on memory care place to a new one, mostly to get him closer to mom so she can see him every day. THe old place had a TERRIBLE menu. Supposed to have…
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Early Onset Alzheimer's at 49
Hello, I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's in October at the age of 49. I've had the the test and it does show I have one variance of the APOE/4 gene and the only kind of Alzheimer's we have my family is on my mom's side and they were diagnosed in their middle to late '70s. This is just been a shock I knew…
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a new home for dad - update
Hello community, Dad has been in his new care home since Wednesday, so almost a week. It is much smaller and in a home-like environment. He needed a new place after a stay at a geri psych inpatient hospital due to behavioral expressions. The entire 2 years at his previous home we struggled to address the anxiety he was…
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I did the best that I could
I get tired of hearing about the people who were able to care for their spouses at home until the spouse passed away. I cared for my DH for as long as I could. His doctor and much of my family tell me I took care of him a few months longer than I should have. My DH was mean and angry most of the time. He wouldn't let me…
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Moving to memory care- how do I tell her?
We have made the decision to move my mom to memory care. We can't decide how to tell her. The facility says to just tell her the day she is going. Her cognition is still ok and she'll see this as us "tricking" her. We are considering having a discussion with her about this but we k ow she'll be resistant.....any advice?
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Sad, stressed, and need to talk to others
I am new to this site. My significant other (SO), is battling Alzheimer's. I just need to know what I am able to do to make both our lives easier. I feel like I have already lost a lot of the man I married. He has good days and bad days. But, it has taken a toll on us. I am having to do the things he use to do along with…
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one of those self critical days
Hello dear community, I am having one of those days when I question my decisions and see faults and what's lacking. I know that's silly because over these 2+ years I've done several things that needed doing to keep dad safe. Ugh. The reality, though, is that even when I remind myself of the positives I still feel critical.…
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No purpose
I am struggling with helping my Mom feel she still has a purpose. After 2 1/2 years in AL, she was recently (3 weeks ago) moved to MC. Her anxiety was increasing and staff felt as though the smaller environment would be better for her. In between activities (she would go, but rarely actively participate) she didn't know…
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Advice Needed After Moving My YOA Mom from AL to MC
I posted here a while back when my mom was first diagnosed with ALZ and I was trying to move her from FL to GA to be closer to me. She’s 65, I’m 30, and I’ve been her POA for about a year. She’s divorced, so this has all been pretty overwhelming at times. After a really tough few months, my sister and I were able to get…
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Mom is in MC but we are still questioning if it was too soon
Please help. We moved our mom from assisted living to memory care (within the same facility) a little over 2 weeks ago. She wasn't functioning great in AL in terms of her ability to engage in activities, go on the errand trips, etc. But she was happy. She would walk around the building, say hello and chat with people and…
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Options for Mother with Dementia after ALF
After 2 years in ALF my mother is in need of a higher level of care - primary because of her needs at night like toileting and her inability to call for assistance when she needs it. ALF is giving me some time to decide what I will do, but I am having a hard time with the options I am considering - and would love different…
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How or if to tell my parents they are moving to memory care
I am about to move my parents into memory care in a few weeks. They are both 95 with stage 4/5 dementia. They have been living in assisted living for the past 4 years so the move would just be across the courtyard to a more secure facility with more support. My question for this group is when, how, or if to tell them they…
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DW Doesn’t recognize me
My DW (65) has been battling Alzheimer’s for the past 8 years and is now in early Stage 7. I have been her primary caregiver throughout this journey, although earlier this year I hired a caregiver who comes four days a week during the daytime to help. Over the past several months, my wife has continued to decline. Most…
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Dissatisfied with memory care
I took care of my DH at home. He has Alzhiemer's and vascular dementia. I had to place him in memory care a couple of months ago. I miss him and visit every day. He is receiving excellent care. He looks better and is much calmer. For me the place he is at is a total nightmare. It is very poorly managed. They don't even get…
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First week in memory care
I was persuaded to send my DH with mixed dementia to memory care. He is very hard to care for and fights anyone who tries to help him. It often takes two people to change him because he won't cooperate. I miss him. I don't miss the work. I have no idea what is next for me. I have literally spent the last three years…
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Wants me near always
My husband only wants me with him to care for him - no relatives or caregivers. He wants me around all the time and if I leave the house, he forgets where I am and thinks I am dead, even with reminders from the relative or caregiver with him. He worries the whole time I am gone. I am his everything, which is a lot to…
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Father in hospital, begging me to set him free
This is my first post here. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 3 years ago, and I have been his caregiver ever since. I am his sole caregiver, and we have no family nearby. He had declined to the point recently where I began arranging a room in a nearby memory care facility for him. The weekend before his…
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Witness of My Mother’s Passing
This piece is a witness to my mother’s final days with Alzheimer’s. I wrote it some time ago, but I wasn’t ready to share it until now. For privacy, I’ve changed names and identifying details, including her last name and the town where we lived. This piece includes honest descriptions of the dying process, including…
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Early Onset Alzheimer's at 49
Hello, I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's in October at the age of 49. I've had the the test and it does show I have one variance of the APOE/4 gene and the only kind of Alzheimer's we have my family is on my mom's side and they were diagnosed in their middle to late '70s. This is just been a shock I knew…
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Wife Slow to Move her Mom
My FIL passed away at the beginning of January. He was the sole caretaker for my MIL. They live in a very rural area. He never had her officially diagnosed. Now my wife and I are living with my MIL who according to her PCP has moderate to advanced dementia. As you all know, some days are just infuriating. She will obsess…
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Mom Might Get Evicted from Memory Care
This may sound harsh, but it's our reality right now. We moved our 84-y.o. mother with dementia into a lovely memory care facility last week. The dementia symptoms advanced quickly - she was driving and socializing mid-February, and a month later she's getting lost in her own neighborhood, forgetting where she is, and…
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A letter to Memory Care Center managers
Dear Mr. Memory care manager, I have been working hard these last 50 years and always setting money aside for retirement. Now I need that money to pay for memory care for my DH. Memory care is my vacation, my world tour and my retirement all rolled into one. Today I arrived at my Dh's "care suite" only to find that yes you…
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Having a hard time choosing between home care and memory care
A month ago my DH with mixed dementia ended up in the hospital. Nothing serious. From the hospital he went to a transitional care program where they adjust his medication because of his aggressive behavior and high anxiety. He has been there for a month and is much calmer and a lot less aggressive. He is also almost 100…
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Psych Exam for exit behavior
Our LO, likely with FTD, has been at MC for close to 3 weeks but after an initial period of apparently positive acclimation they report he has started to attempt exiting the facility more often, wanting his car, resisting redirection. They will have a psych consult via state mental health services. My questions are what…
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Bringing Dad home?
In the mild-moderate-severe way of describing stages of Alzheimer's, my dad has one foot in "severe". He is in MC and the care there is pretty good. But he is so sad not to be with family. My mom is living with my husband and me. We tried to care for both of them, but my dad is very independent and would not let me or my…
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New to Memory Care
MY DH just moved into MC three days ago. He has now not eaten in 24 hours and is refusing his meds. He sometimes wanders around the unit but cannot find his room to return to. He asks those who come into his room to leave. The nurse tell me this is standard behavior for new residents and that there are others in the MC…
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Suggestions on making the move to MC
My father has been the primary caretaker for my 78 y/o mom for the last 5 years of her Alzheimer's diagnosis. A daily routine was working "well" in that it was predictable, and her ability to live in a well-managed environment was working as good as one might expect. In the past 3 months however, she has experienced…