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His Birthday is Today

CampCarol
CampCarol Member Posts: 258
250 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments Second Anniversary
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in Supporting Those Who Have Lost Someone

My husband just passed on June 19, and today is his birthday. While there is never a good time to go, this is just too close for me. I am struggling in every way. How does one get through these important dates? I know the first year will be the worst, but this is beyond awful. People are calling & texting, and I'm hiding not answering anything. I am sitting here alone, and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. :-(

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  • Jazzma
    Jazzma Member Posts: 223
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    So many hugs….

  • Joyful Heart
    Joyful Heart Member Posts: 20
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    I can't even imagine, friend! Truly! Hold onto every moment of lucidness because you've just been dealt an unbelievably brutal hand. Breathe deep. Know that your husband is in a much better place. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

  • JulietteBee
    JulietteBee Member Posts: 622
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73525/his-birthday-is-today

    There is nothing you SHOULD BE doing. You are on a grief journey. While we know when it starts, we have no clue when it ends. There is no timeline. There is no to-do list. After what seems like a magical amount of time has passed, you will feel yourself smile again. You will hear yourself talking on the phone again. When your heart and mind are ready, you will even find love and friendships. Do not rush the process and do not suppress the process. Feel all the feelings. Let the tears wash your soul and then one day, you will realize that you came through th3 dark tunnel, successfully.🫂

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 3,421
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    so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband last August. His birthday was June 13. You don’t have to do anything. Just grieve. I was expecting the mental grief but didn’t expect the physical feeling of grief. The feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see something that reminds me of him. My wise Mom once told me when you lose someone you love to do things that honor their memory.. On his Birthday and Fathers Day weekend my daughter and I took flowers to the cemetery. I also made a list of things to do to honor him. When I feel strong enough I do one and check it off my list. As someone posted of my Facebook page “Grief is the price we pay for love” so true. Recently I listened to Garth Brooks song “The Dance” and although I cried it helped. Sending love and hugs. 💜

  • howhale
    howhale Member Posts: 396
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    My dear wife left us on August 16, 2025 and every day since has been a challenge. Today, December 19, 2025 is her birthday, the first since I lost her. I had planned to visit her at the cemetery today with our daughters but as my grief started building yesterday I realized I could not do it and cancelled that plan. I have visited her alone several times since the loss and was able to do so fairly well but I just cannot today. I feel bad for failing her again but I just cannot keep it together enough to make the long drive with our daughters. I made it through Thanksgiving dinner with the family for a while then had to leave so I thought this would be okay but it is not. I cry each morning as I make our bed and see her picture and her side of the bed still orderly and neat. I just don't know how to get through this but I know I have to for my family. It is so hard, the hardest thing I have ever confronted and felt completely helpless. I don't like the feeling. I will fill the house with music today, everything Elvis ever sang. He was her lifetime favorite and his voice will break the silence today. A couple of the daughters will visit me here today so we will watch videos of the past to see and hear her again. I hope she knows I tried, I tried so hard but just could not come today. I will visit soon, maybe tomorrow alone again. I have some of her favorite cookies to leave for her and the deer and birds that visit her grave. I hate this disease but pray that all who are touched by it to find help and guidance during and after.

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 3,421
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/261118#Comment_261118

    happy Heavenly birthday to your wife. I’m sure she would understand. It will get easier in time. 💜

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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