Help! Dealing with Agitation, Alligators and threats of dying

momsdaughter82 · July 17

My mom, 80 (living at home w/my 80yr stepdad) She has been on multiple painkillers, trazadone, Valium for years (I believe clearly over medicated)...who is been diagnosed by some drs with dementia/alzheimers ...and other not...clearly is suffering
from dementia and delusions. Been in and out of MC for last 2yrs. But at home now.
2 nights ago she called me demanding for me to bring my husband to thier house...or someone was "going to die".
Arrived and she told us that she was sexually assaulted by a man who was no longer there, and was being held hostage by step-dad, not being fed.And insisted that we kick step-dad out of house.
she was taken to the hospital for evaluation but they released within 2 hours, with no follow up recommendations.
Clearly those things were not real but how on the world do we deal with these situations?
At this point I do not have medical POA, my stepdad is trying very hard to keep her at home because she is so miserable in MC, and accussed other men in MC of assult to get released. I have talked to every resource I can find but because I dont have POA, I am told there is nothing I can do. While stepdad is still functional (our relationship is good, he just doesnt do well with hard decisions)I dont believe he is capable of truly doing what is best for her.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

harshedbuzz · July 17

Alligators?

JeriLynn66 · July 17

The Alz Hotline is available 24/7 for consultation. Licensed and trained Social Workers are available to offer support, suggestions and resources. Call 800-272-3900 and ask for a CARE CONSULTANT. Best wishes in a trying situation.

And come here often for support.

terei · July 17

’because she is so miserable in MC’…While CLEARLY she is so happy at home….not. Here is the situation now: she is miserable at home and also making everyone else’s lives miserable. At least if she is was in MC the rest of you could try to have close to normal lives. Sometimes you have to step back, detach a bit + determine what is best for the entire family instead of having everyone revolve around the PWD’s disease.

H1235 · July 17

We all want our loved ones to be happy. Unfortunately with dementia that’s not always possible. Some medication would probably help some. I agree with terei, if she is not happy either place, then have her in memory care so the the rest of the family can have some normalcy. I would stress to the mc doctors your concerns and ask about medication. It can take a while to get medication figured out, so d give it some time. If she needs to go to the hospital again, you need to stress your concerns very clearly to everyone. I believe you can fill out paperwork and request a psych evaluation. Tell them over and over she is a harm to herself or others! The healthcare system is a mess. You have to really push.

SDianeL · July 18

so sorry about your Mom. I would make a list of her behaviors (don’t let her see it) and take it to the doctor so they can prescribe medication. The best doctor to manage medications is a Geriatric Psychiatrist if you can get a referral to one. She needs to go back into MC in my opinion. She’s not going to be happy anywhere. She has hallucinations, delusions and agitation which may lead to aggression. Talk to your Step-Dad and maybe read him some of these replies. Your Mom could be a danger to herself or him. Does he have DPOA and HIPPA papers?

momsdaughter82 · July 18

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248344#Comment_248344

Lol...I meant allegations...auto correct gets me every time!

momsdaughter82 · July 18

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248388#Comment_248388

Thank you for your kind response! Yes he has those papers.

I think I will let read the responses, thats a good idea! Maybe coming from others will help him solidity he decision.🤗

momsdaughter82 · July 18

Thank you for your kind response!

When in MC she just constantly harassed stepdad, threatening divorce, escaping etc, until she finally accused another man of assaulting her. Which we know is untrue. He just does not have the mental strength to keep her in. He caves every time! I keep hoping that if he rides the merrygoround long enough he will figure it out.

But that leaves me on the same ride,unless I completely detach...which i am thinking about doing anyway. My other 3 sits have already done that. I just dont like that, as that is truly not Who I Am! I hate that this is making be do something that is inconsistent with my personality and conscious. 😢

harshedbuzz · July 18

@momsdaughter82

I wasn't being snarky. Promise. The lady from whom my parents bought their place in Florida dad have dementia and had taken to feeding the local gator population which had led neighbors to engage APS.

It's possible your mom may be having some conflated memories. Sometimes PWD recall something that happened and are confused about the details. My friend's mom had a cousin who was sexually assaulted but as mom's disease progressed, she started to insist it happened to her. Dad used to do this with TV shows; mom would be watching NCIS and the next day dad would tell me he'd been kidnapped and murdered.

I wonder if your stepdad is just overwhelmed and would be OK if you took the reins on getting her to a geripsych for medication. Mom was always happy when I took dad to his appointments; she needed the break. Dad's antipsychotic helped him a lot. He still had delusions and hallucinations, but they didn't seem to upset him as much.

HB

Help! Dealing with Agitation, Alligators and threats of dying

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