Spending time with mom with Alzheimers

clarkjuliea64 · July 20

We are getting ready to put my mom in a MC facility. Physically, she is in great shape. She loves to go for walks if the weather is nice. I was planning on picking her up often from MC and taking her on walks to enjoy the beauty of Colorado. I was recently told from a friend that that was a bad idea. When we go to visit her, it should only be at her MC. If I keep taking her out, she will get confused. The friend says that my mom will really only be comfortable in her little "bubble" at the MC. That makes sense and I want to do the right thing, but wanting other opinions. Thank you so much.

H1235 · July 20

I think in general your friend is correct. But everyone with dementia is a bit different. Taking her shopping or somewhere busy would probably not be good. A quiet walking trail may work. I wouldn’t switch it up, I would go to the same place every time. (The familiar will probably be more comfortable for her). But I would really pay attention to how she does. Maybe even call staff a few hours after a trip to see how she handled it.

harshedbuzz · July 20

@clarkjuliea64

It's hard to state absolutes around individual PWD.

What your friend is describing is super common for PWD in general. Ideally a new MCF should be given a period of time to adjust to their new home— the routines and caregiving team— before days out. The "treat" of an outing would likely be a distraction that interferes with settling in especially if she's not happy with the move initially.

Often the behaviors and symptoms that trigger a placement in a MCF will be associated with a significant change in their LO related to progression which can result in different reactions than you might expect. Most PWD reach a point where they become apathetic around activities they once enjoyed or become actively agitated by the sort of gatherings (holidays, family celebrations) families tend to bring them to with the best intentions.

I'd give this a couple months and then start small. A number of folks say their LO enjoys a car ride followed by a treat like ice cream or lunch at a quiet casual restaurant.

HB

AmandaF · July 20

I had a friend who would take her mom out of MC for lunch or walks and it went pretty well. Their tolerance for it changes as the disease progresses, so you have to pay attention.

I envisioned taking my mom on outings too, but she had a very hard time adjusting to MC and now that she’s finally happy there, I really don’t want to mess it up. So we just visit her at the facility, which seems to work for her.

ARIL · July 20

You have received good advice here already, and I will just underline the point that every PWD is different. There is no harm in trying some quiet outdoor walks, and you should be alert for how your mom is doing, when it may be getting to be too much, etc.

My dad has been in MC for 13 months (two different facilities). Early on we did a lot of short outings: a drive through a scenic area, a trip to get a cookie and lemonade, a visit to the barber or dentist, or a visit to my house for lunch, a walk, and a quiet chat with my spouse and me. We are still doing some of this—it has become part of the routine—but we have dropped the frequency to about twice a month instead of every week, since even short trips make him tired. But my presence brings him comfort, and he enjoys riding in the car when I am driving. Mostly. We have had some harder times when I have realized the outing was too long or too involved. Then I backed off. We do our visiting at the facility a lot more now. That comes with its own issues, BTW. This disease is relentless.

At the MCF where my dad lives, I see lots of different things: one daughter comes every afternoon with her mom’s dog, and she and her mom take a short walk with the dog to a nearby park. This woman is very mobile and quite young. Other families attend music programs at the MCF and sit with their nonverbal LOs. Some people take their parent out for dessert every Saturday afternoon. One spouse stays with her DHWD almost all day every day. And there are residents who never have a visitor.

In short, you know your mom best. If you are thoughtful about her needs and you pay close attention to her responses, which will change over time, there is no “rule” that says you can’t try some outings.

Anonymousjpl123 · July 22

Just chiming in to say it does depend on the person, but I did find that starting slow was key. I originally wanted to take my mom out as much as possible and it was too much.

Once I learned that less really is often more for people with dementia it helped a lot. My mom used to love going out to eat but now is very happy with once a week or even every two weeks. She used to love to come home for short visits but they were often not great.

And all that stimulation didn’t slow her progression. She’s coming up on a year at an MC that does encouraged less frequent trips home and has been so much more stable the past year. My MC does group trips with them for meals and stuff. She may be able to eventually do that as well. My mom loves those.

otfgirl750 · July 23

Agree with others that each person is different. Mom is also pretty good physically and walks a lot. We were taking Mom out for lunch and walks but then her agitation made it difficult as she did not want to go back. Now we just go on the patio, I bring lunch in and we walk in the building. I would just prepare for various reactions as she adjusts and the disease progresses.

Spending time with mom with Alzheimers

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