Mom refusing to be active

ReineckeB · July 23

I am struggling to get my mom up and around more. She has never been really active honestly but she would work out about 3 to 4 times a week. Since my Dad was sick about 4 years ago, she has had a hard time taking care of herself. He passed 2 years ago after being sick for 2 years. She was out of practice while he was ill and then when he died she just stopped doing what she would normally do. I am not sure what part is her just being sad ( she is on anti depression meds) or what part is her being lazy. I know that activity is good for her and I do what I can to "force" her to walk around with me. She always says she doesn't want to but I do just tell her this is what we are doing. I just can't do that all the time every day. It is exhausting. I am not really asking for advice. Her stubbornness is strong, LOL, but I am just frustrated. I don't want her to fade faster because she doesn't want to move more. It is so very hard to watch her be someone I am not used to. She says she misses shopping and driving. She tells me how sad she is that her previous life is gone. I am sad for her and I am just sad. Dont get me wrong, we have good times! We still laugh and talk sometimes. She is a fun person! But things are just so different and in the back of my mind I know I am watching her die slowly. It makes me so sad. Just needed to vent.

H1235 · July 23

I think being more sedentary is common with both dementia and depression. My mom ( stage 4) is in Al and is diabetic. She refuses to follow a diabetic diet. She has edema and should wear compression socks and elevate her legs, but she refuses. She has prescription cream for her eczema that is cracking and bleeding, she refuses to use it. She should also exercise, but there is no way that is going to happen. In my opinion you need to pick your battles. Pushing her too hard may end up causing anger and negative feelings towards you. There is an interesting thread in caring for a spouse titled tests and medications about how much should be done.

Anonymousjpl123 · July 23

Sadly it seems that disinterest in activities is relatively common. And also having it get much more pronounced after losing a spouse.

What helped me was realizing more wasn’t always better, and that while I did want my mom to be more engaged and not just fade away I couldn’t guess what might get her excited or more enthusiastic or make her happy.

What i have learned is that she is often the happiest when things are familiar. When we’re watching something on tv we used to watch, when she’s in a place that feels familiar (she feels that way in her current memory care thank god), when she’s in a room or chair or position that feels comfortable to her. Sometimes we used to go for walks but I had to get my expectations way down. Around the block is great! Short walks, low expectations, and lots of trial and error can help get you through this. It’s a marathon not a sprint, so don’t be too hard on yourself! Sounds like you are doing right by your mom.

ReineckeB · July 24

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248734#Comment_248734

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your encouragement. ❤️ Yes, her interest in life has gone down since losing my Dad. He was her world. They were married for 47 years. It just sucked a lot out of her when he passed. I like that "more isn't always better". I tend to try to hard to force her into the lifestyle I think is healthier! I think I am helping but I need to give her a break too maybe.

Thank you again!

Mom refusing to be active

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