Unbelievable rage
Last night we argued about sleeping in his jeans I asked him wouldn't you be more comfortable if he took them off Hours later he raged downstairs and told me to get out of the house He said he was going to call the police I had to leave for my safety slept in a hotel But let down my guard and went home
Now I wish I just stayed away
Comments
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I have not had to deal with anything like that so I don't know but I think you should call the Alzheimer's hot line and crises control to get some professional input and to have a record that you are trying to help him but he is forcing you to leave. Maybe some kind of social worker. You should have some kind of paper trail showing you are doing what you can. That might help if he tells you to leave again and then something happens to him. You need to protect yourself from his anger but also from anything related to Adult Protective Services for abandoning someone with declined capacity. I hope other here can give you better advice.
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So sorry you are still going through this. As you know arguing does no good. Maybe just llet him sleep in his jeans? Is he on anti anxiety medication? If it happens again, call 911 and have him taken to the hospital so they can put him on meds or adjust his meds. You should not leave him alone or you could be criminally charged. You are also in danger. Please get help. Call the Alzheimer’s toll free number. 💜
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My DH goes into a rage anytime I suggest that he do anything. When he gets that way he sometimes physically threatens me. I have learned to do everything I can so that I don't engage him. it is the disease that takes over when he is in a rage. Yesterday I spent most of the afternoon on the front porch reading. I go there to get away from him. He cannot be left home alone.
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I think sometimes caregivers gradually become immune to fact that they are living in a toxic, dangerous situation that should not be tolerated. From the outside, any ‘raging’ behavior should be immediately addressed (IMO). I urge any caregiver that experiences this to call 911 and have the PWD taken to the ER to be transferred to a Geri psych unit to be assessed and medicated to control this type of behavior. You do not have to live with this.
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How would I be criminally charged?
He still has some of his faculties and does know what he is doing If I call 911 and they come over he would not answer the door or phone and would seem coherent to them So it seems I am not abandoning him. There is no safe place in my house. It is very small So I have no choice but to leave
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Found this online: under certain circumstances, leaving a spouse with dementia alone could lead to charges of neglect. This depends on the specific laws in your jurisdiction and the extent of the person's dementia. His MMSE score shows moderate to severe dementia. With a diagnosis in his medical records, if anything happens you could be at risk. Although he may have some of his faculties and may know what he's doing at the time, he is unable to reason or to stop. The dementia causes this. It's very common and one of the most difficult parts of being a caregiver. The best thing is to call 91 (don't tell him you're calling), answer the door and have an ambulance take him to the hospital. He needs help. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
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here's the number for the Alzheimer's help line: call them
24/7 Helpline: 800.272.39000 -
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He pushes me out the door with no warning I can't stay to open the door and how can they force him to go with them He will seem normal to anyone. Actual diagnosis still pending and only suspected of dementia Waiting to do tests that he won't go for anyway.
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As others have advised, CALL 911. Yes, he does not yet have a diagnosis. But, you will not be the first, or last, spouse to call under these circumstances. Tell them that he has refused to go for the testing.
I have read your post about flooding. He is not going to seem rational to the first responders.
He needs to be taken to the ER for evaluation. You need to tell them that it is unsafe to take him home and refuse to have them discharge him in your care.
In the meantime, call the Alzheimer's hotline and discuss your options. Think carefully about what they say and call back as often as you need.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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