Onset

RobinPA · August 31

Hello,
My husband is a vital, active and engaged 74 old man. Lately he has been more forgetful than usual, has some difficulty managing everyday tasks, and I see subtle changes in his personality. Our oldest son came to visit and yesterday I observed my husband struggling to hang a banner with our son. He was having difficulty, wouldn't cooperate, became belligerant, and stayed with the simple task for almost 45 minutes.
Just this morning, it occurred to me that both of his older sisters had debilitating Alzheimer's disease and needed extensive care.
I hope this is not the case for my loving husband, father of five, and 'poppy' to four grandkids.
What to do now?

H1235 · August 31

Welcome. Sorry you have found yourself in this situation. I have attached a staging tool that may be helpful. Dementia is about a lot more than memory. I was a bit slow in figuring that out. Many with dementia can’t recognize their symptoms or limitations (anosognosia) and can become upset if faced with them head on. This sounds like what you saw with your husband. If you bring up your concerns with him and he becomes upset, I would drop the subject with him and work around him. I would then contact the doctor about your concerns. A patient portal works well, but a note to the doctor may also work. If necessary tell your husband the doctor needs to see him for, make something up. IME the pcp will do some very basic questions and probably some bloodwork. I would not expect a diagnosis. The doctor would probably then refer him to a neurologist. This appointment may be out there several months. In the meantime I would recommend you learn all you can about dementia. Another suggestion is to see a lawyer. You will want a DPOA and probably one of your children listed a a secondary. I would suggest this lawyer visit as just something that needs to be done now that you are getting older. If needed maybe you could have a DPOA set up for yourself as well. I would not tell him this needs to be done because you are concerned about his health or possible dementia. I hope these resources help.

DBAT.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/conditions/dementia/alzheimers-dementia-husband-symptoms-didnt-know-about1/

harshedbuzz · August 31

@RobinPA

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

It sounds as though you are a very observant wife. I noticed personality changes (and not in a positive direction) in my dad at about that age; not long after, his memory started to have obvious holes in it and managing tasks he could handle previously started to become unreliable and then impossible for him. He was diagnosed fairly late in the disease progression because mom was in denial and dad had anosognosia (a condition where PWD can not recognize their impairments at all).

If you don't already have POAs, now is the time to make sure you have that paperwork done with a lawyer who specializes in elder law. If you don't have unlimited assets and/or a robust LTC policy, it would be prudent to discuss Medicaid planning at that appointment as well.

A PCP can start the process of an evaluation for dementia. Blood tests to rule out treatable causes like hormone and vitamin deficiencies and imaging to look for evidence of stroke, lesions, etc. The doc can also do a quick in-office cognitive screening like MMSE or MoCA. If you have a patient portal, it's a good place to share what you're seeing at home with his doctor and ask for a screening. If you feel your DH would be upset by you throwing him under the bus, you could say it's part of the regular Medicare yearly well check.

I wouldn't put this off. In dad's case, one of his mixed dementias turned out to be a vitamin deficiency treatable with Iv Thiamine and lifestyle changes. While he did improve quite a bit with treatment, he likely would have returned to a more functional baseline if treated 5-10 years earlier. They'd have had a much better quality of life until his Alzheimer's progressed. In mom's case, she had Lyme Disease causing her memory and attention issues. Treatment improved things a great deal for her although as she nears 90, I'm noticing more word-finding and memory glitching.

HTH-
HB

PS This is the Parent with Dementia Board. You are welcome to post here or on any board, but you'll get more responses on the Spouses Board.

SDianeL · September 1

Welcome. This is the place for info, support or to vent. We understand how you feel Ditto what H1235 and harshedbuzz said and read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which was recommended by a nurse. Google dementia caregiving videos. Tam Cummings and Teepa Snow have good ones.

RobinPA · September 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/252276#Comment_252276

Thanks.

RobinPA · September 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/252273#Comment_252273

Thanks!!

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