Mom Won’t Stop Staring Out the Door

rosecoloredglasses · August 2025

This is kind of a funny one, but I don’t know what to do about it. My mom has Alzheimer’s disease (moderate stage), and she loves looking outside through our windows and door. The problem is is that we have a shared driveway, so there’s usually people walking past our door. To be honest I personally would feel kinda freaked out but walking past a door and some woman is staring at me through it, so I feel like most others would also feel that way. Every time I try to distract her from just staring out the door she gets her feelings hurt, thinks I’m calling her weird when I have never called her names in my life! I know she’s not doing anything harmful by staring out the window but it just makes me uncomfortable the idea of her possibly staring out at strangers. Is there anything that can be done about this??

harshedbuzz · August 2025

@rosecoloredglasses

I'm trying to picture what this shared drive situation looks like. Is it shared with a few other homes where you could potentially share your mom's diagnosis and perhaps encourage them to extend her some grace?

If it's really a big problem, perhaps a cling texture would prevent this and keep her focused on using the window instead. Perhaps hanging a birdfeeder away from the door would encourage her to look there instead.

HB

towhee · August 2025

I also live in a home with a shared driveway. The driveway is considered a common area and there is no expectation of privacy when walking up and down it any more than you have an expectation of privacy when walking on a public sidewalk. I have my computer set up to where my view is a shared driveway and the side yard of the next unit and I am sitting right next to two windows. My neighbor has a ring doorbell facing the driveway and records everything happening on it 24/7, which is perfectly legal according to HOA rules. Another neighbor sits on an outside patio for hours and greets everyone passing by.

If there is a window or door that she prefers you might put out a birdfeeder or spinner of some kind to give her an excuse for standing there, but honestly there is no need. Anything that entertains her and does not cause actual harm need not be discouraged. All you might want to say to a neighbor is that your mother gets bored and likes to look outside.

dancsfo · September 2025

I wonder if it is indeed due to boredom, compared to some other activities or distractions. I agree with @towhee that she is probably looking for some entertainment. So maybe some other enriching activity can help.

re: and does not cause actual harm need not be discouraged

I agree. My mom may be in a loop washing the same basket of grapes or figs until it's not edible. Or decides to "ripen" them by lining them up in some hidden place until it is rotten when I discover them. It's annoying, but trying to stop it seems to hurt her feelings, so I let it go.

persevere · September 2025

I wouldn’t do a thing if I were you. If she’s happy and content leave her be. Trust me, it’s better than her pacing and jabbering all day which is what my wife does.

Arrowhead · September 2025

There's probably not much she can do, especially anything that pleases her. If it makes her happy and it's not hurting anyone, which I'm sure it isn't, let her do it. It will make things easier on both of you.

Boxer Mom · February 3

She could be looking for something to watch. Or maybe she is trying to figure out who they are. I know my mom used to stare out her windows when she was still living in her own home. She was very paranoid. Or she was always watching for the mail man. God forbid the mail man put mail in her box and she needs to pay that bill. If she isn't bothering anything, or it's keeping her continent them leave her alone. At least she is not paceing all the time. Or constantly wanting you to get her something while she is going to the bathroom. Or she needs something from the kitchen. Or she has torn out all of your clothes, because I can't get her room cleaned out, so she is sleeping in mine. That's all she has done ever since she came to live with me. My mom goes thru a roll of toilet paper in a day and a half. My mom is high strung all day long. I can't wait until she goes to bed at night. Or at least she is supposed to be in bed at night. I can't even get my siblings come and help me. And I've only been taking care of her just before Christmas. I'm about to climb a tree now.

Maru · February 3

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73949/mom-won-t-stop-staring-out-the-door

Your post reminded me of my mother, who did not have dementia. She sat in a chair on her front stoop and just watched the world from there, waving to every passerby.

It's justified to be concerned that she might open the door and wander, but watching is harmless so long as she is not looking through binoculars. I like the idea of putting up a bird feeder.

tonyac2 · February 7

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/252642#Comment_252642

I totally agree. If it makes her happy, let her do it. Don’t worry about what others think, they are most likely not dealing with what you’re dealing with. If she’s calm, safe and happy, I’d keep that on repeat.

MotownKmac · February 10

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73949/mom-won-t-stop-staring-out-the-door

I live a townhome and just explained to the neighbors about my DH condition. They now know to just wave and let it go when he says something odd or otherwise. Best to be open about it. Also found that people are much more caring about his well being by knowing he is have tough times.

Mom Won’t Stop Staring Out the Door

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