When did you insist they stop driving?

it’s 2 yrs was told by Nurologist no driving and she still can’t get over it or accept it. Matter of fact asked me today will she ever drive and why can’t she. I told her your getting confused and if you drive you don’t have 10 seconds to try and make a decision, had to tell her your getting confused and just asked me how to spell our last name she will bring up again as they forget one minute to next. My wife short memory just started getting bad last 6 weeks. But not driving was the worst so far. Keep the faith

My DH was an excellent driver even into those earlier stages. One time he was driving to the dealer for car service (which he had done many times) but got lost - when I got home he told me about it and said that he began crying when it happened. I felt so bad for him. Other than this and not knowing our zip code to type in at the gas pump, there was nothing to indicate a problem with driving. However when I finally got him to take that 30 point test, he scored very low and the psychologist said he would have to report it to the DMV unless he took the Drive Able test (a computerized test of response times, etc). He refused to take the test so consequently lost his license. This was a very tough time, but he eventually got used to me driving and hasn’t asked about it since then.

Others have said that if there is a dementia diagnosis in his record and something happens, there may be issues with insurance, etc. If you’re concerned, it is definitely better to have a doctor be the “bad guy”, rather than him blaming you.

after my husband took the 4 hour test, the Neuro Psychologist called me and said under no circumstances should he be driving. The only thing I noticed was that he was driving very slowly. She said he had visuospatial difficulties and he could not judge time and distance and he could run into the back of another car or hit someone. IShe said since his diagnosis was in his medical records if he was in an accident even if it wasn’t his fault that we could be sued and lose everything. The insurance company could refuse to pay. I told him what she said and the next morning he brought me his keys and never drove again. I told him I was now his chauffeur. If your LO won’t give up the keys you must take control and even fib if you have to, disable the car if you must. Some have had the doctor tell them no more driving and that worked.

There are three common screening tools— MMSE, MOCA and SLUMS. These have 30 points available and take 10-30 minutes depending on how the person is coping with the testing. They are generally administered by PCPs, psychologists, specially trained nurses and OTs. MoCA and SLUMs have a training/cert process, but MMSE is available to download and use for anyone. There are some nuances to the tests including allowed prompts that might be harder to finesse for an untrained individual.

Normally these are given to screen who should be evaluated for dementia and later to get a quick snapshot of how the disease progression is impacting cognition and in what general areas.

IMO, in these are pretty crude tools for judging whether a person should be driving. Like the OP's DH, my dad tended to score fairly well on these tests. Along with showtiming for professionals, he came to dementia with considerable cognitive reserve and his scores tended to give a rosier impression than the reality at home. About 6 months before he died, he managed an MCI range MMSE score but didn't have the spatial reasoning, processing speed or executive function to drive safely. After dad took the test, he bragged all the way down to the valet stand about how smart he was. "Off-the-charts" was employed several times. And then he got into some random little old lady's car while she was dropping it off when my back was turned. I will never forget the look on that poor woman's face.

HB

We were advised that once a doctor had given written recommendations that my wife should not drive, we found that if she did and caused an accident, our insurance would not be liable to pay any claims. An accident could wipe us out financially. Thankfully, my family helped support me as we delivered the news to my wife. She no longer has car keys, though I doubt she realizes her keys are hidden from her.

My DH's executive skills were really lacking as well as very slow processing and response time but his memory was good. I told him it was not safe for him to drive anymore. I'm sure he could start the car, keep it in the lines and probably get to the close grocery store but given the dynamic conditions when driving, any unforseen things that may come up would be a real challenge. If someone cut him off, ran a red light, a small child or dog ran out in the street, someone wrnt straight from a left turn lane or other bizarre things I've encountered, I know he would struggle. His privilege of driving is trumped by the need to keep him and others safe at all times. He never tried to drive again.

This was not the issue I feared it would be. On some level deep down I guess my DH knew he shouldn’t be driving.

DH is solid stage 5 currently. At stages 4 and 5 we would go out everyday with him behind the wheel and he was very aware he couldn’t remember how to get to familiar places we’d been to hundreds of times.
I was the petrified navigator (saying turn right and he’d turn left, OR turn right at the traffic light up there ahead and he’d turn right immediately when I said it). I feared for our lives, certain our story would end in a fiery auto accident.
At the same time his driving abilities were deteriorating he was also regularly misplacing his copy of our car key. We would spend hours every few days looking for his car key (also glasses, wallets, etc).
So a year ago, when I came upon his copy of the car key, I just put it aside in my file cabinet that he doesn’t go into (so far) and since I’m the only driver now with a car key, he doesn’t protest when we go out to the car - and I just go and get behind the wheel. He pretty much accepts it.
There’s been only about two or three times that hes protested about not driving and I just fib and say that his dr recommended he not drive, and he readily accepts it.
Thank God this was not the big issue for us that I thought it would be.