Qualities I Need to Work On

cavenson · September 9

Yesterday, DH wanted to go to the grocery store with me. I should have been pleased about this since he hasn’t had any appetite or energy lately. As he slowly pushed the grocery cart around using it as a walker, I gathered some items we needed; and he filled the cart with items that we don’t need, or he should not be eating. Once when I returned, he had somehow gotten a large watermelon into the basket. They’re high in potassium, and the doctor said he should not eat them. As what should have been a 15-minute trip to the grocery store was now taking close to an hour, my patience was wearing thin, and the financial cost of this trip was quickly mounting.

After we finally returned home, I remembered my daily devotion from the previous day titled “A Small and Fragile World”. The accompanying Bible verse included, “…clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12) Too often, I tend to dwell on my frustrations with DH and AD and overlook the fact that DH has a shrinking world that’s small and fragile. The accompanying prayer was, “Father, help me remember that my frustrations with my loved one pale in comparison to the daily angst they may feel.”

Elizabeth607 · September 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74048/qualities-i-need-to-work-on

I live this story. Trips to the grocery store can be brutally frustrating, however this is his one "true" outing. I needed to read your post today. Lately, I have been consumed with the "wish" that I had the patience and compassion that many of you who post on this site do have.

tonyac2 · September 9

Thank you cavenson for sharing. My DH is in a wheelchair, so many of our outings consist of just driving around. He’s quite heavy, so I try to limit the times I get him in and out of the van. As I may have shared before, my frustration is now centered around the disease, and how it’s taken up residency in my DH body and mind. I’m still very angry at how it’s stolen his life from him and me. I am getting better at staying in the moment and if he gets too difficult to manage, I grab a pair of earbuds and listen to music. When I get him ready in the morning, he yells, Go!, Go!, Go! That gets to me after a while and I need to drown it out. On we go.

Quilting brings calm · September 9

If it’s available in your area, order your groceries online via the store website. Then either pick them up or have them delivered. Even if there is no grocer store online order available - maybe order the non food items from Amazon? That should cut down on the frustration and the cost of impulse buys.

I totally get the anger at having control of your own life taken away in favor of your loved one’s needs. I think we all feel that, whether it’s a spouse, a parent etc.

RetiredTeacher · September 9

I completely understand about the quick trip is now almost an hr. DH has week legs and slowly pushing the cart is no longer an option so we go early and hope they have a charged up scooter for him to ride. We went to a warehouse type store and during checkout I discovered 3 big bags of chips! At this point, I just shake my head and chuckle to myself. I'm thankful he still recognizes chips and gets joy out of eating....even if it is junk. I'm picking my battles and that is not one I want to fight. Let him find happiness where he can, this disease takes so much from them.

wose · September 9

Thanks @RetiredTeacher , you validated my adage “ Let him find happiness where he can.” I often catch myself with restricting cause of the guilt I feel. As long as it’s not excessive.. let them eat cake! @cavenson … I totally lost it in the grocery store 2 days ago. There was a long line so we did self checkout. What was I thinking? I scanned and thought he could bag. He just started throwing everything in the cart, even items I didn’t scan. After many WTH are you doing, I regrouped, sat him in a chair and stated all over. Lesson learned. It’s so hard. I have to take him with me and it’s good for him to get out, but it usually ends up in mayhem for us. But we must soldier on and find a bit of joy.

I absolutely love your devotion “ A Small and Fragile World”…thanks for sharing 💜

annie51 · September 9

Thank you for sharing this story and devotion. The grocery store used to be a nice activity for me and DH to occupy some time but lately he just rushes me through (especially when I’m trying to pick out a ripe melon), won’t let me buy certain things, says weird things to other people (sometimes blocking them from moving). And he likes kids so he’ll walk next to a cart with a little one, smiling and telling them how cute they are - I wouldn’t mind a quick hi and smile, but going on too long probably makes the parent feel creepy. All of this makes me uncomfortable so I guess I’ll limit the trips or begin doing pick up or delivery.

@cavenson Are those daily devotions specifically for dementia? I’d be interested in more information.

cavenson · September 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/253117#Comment_253117

They are published by Guideposts—Title is Strength & Grace Daily Devotions, and they are designed for caregivers. They are delivered every two months, and a year subscription is $16. You can click on the website below for additional information. I find them an uplifting way to start the day.

Strength & Grace Magazine - Devotional Magazine for Caregivers

cavenson · September 9

I can definitely relate to what you said about your DH saying weird things to other people when you’re at the store. Mine does the same thing, which also adds to the time it takes to shop. He particularly stops to talk to children and their parents. Usually what he says is positive, but he may tell someone what a cute little boy they have when it’s a little girl wearing a princess shirt. If he sees someone with a cane, he’ll go up to them and say, “no running.” If we’re standing in line, he’ll say, “I guess you’re wondering why we called this meeting.” It’s just another thing I’m learning to tolerate.

annie51 · September 9

If he sees someone with a cane, he’ll go up to them and say, “no running.” If we’re standing in line, he’ll say, “I guess you’re wondering why we called this meeting.”

What a great sense of humor he has! 😁

Chance Rider · September 9

I can so relate to your post. I’m working on developing my patience. Shopping with my husband is like shopping with a toddler… and I never had kids by choice! He has no spatial awareness and constantly blocks aisles, talks with anyone who stands still for a moment, Ordering groceries online for pickup may well be in my near future, great suggestion!

Thank you for sharing the daily devotion.

eaglemom · September 9

That is a fabulous saying - A Small and Fragile World. What a wonderful devotional. I so appreciate that you shared it with us. Clearly many of us can relate to it.

My DH loves to go to the grocery store with me. I have to make certain I block of a huge amount of time because it takes forever. Even if we only need a handful of items. He'll see something and just know it has to go into the buggy. What gets to me is when he starts rearranging the produce. If the potato's aren't lined up properly (his version of properly) he'll start arranging them. There is no leaving until they are too his satisfaction. Or it might be how the bananas are arranged, or possibly the apples. Those are the only offending fruit / vegetables thus far. I just move the buggy to the side and let him arrange. It looks far better when he's done than before, that's for sure!

eagle

JC5 · September 9

Thank you for sharing! DH loves going grocery shopping and I loathe it! But now more than ever! What should and would take me tops an hour now runs into 2 hours when he comes with me and double the price! I know he enjoys it but complains the entire time how his leg hurts, in pain but insists on coming! A no win situation!

JulietteBee · September 10

@cavenson

"If he sees someone with a cane, he’ll go up to them and say, “no running.” If we’re standing in line, he’ll say, “I guess you’re wondering why we called this meeting.”

Roflol! What a witty sense of humor. I know you have tasks to get done, but try your best to enjoy his wit while he is still verbal & able to share that part of himself with his ever shrinking world. 🫂

Qualities I Need to Work On

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