Having a time coping with Husband

cindysnoah · September 13

I have noticed big changes in behavior and took him to Dr. and have finally got appointment Oct 1 for neurologist. He has been throwing things away, good things, loosing thing, not knowing what day it is, I ask him all day to make his bed and he say he will get to it and it doesn't happen. I had to start checking on him now to make sure he is changing clothes as went to laundry and no dirty clothes. Today was challenging he wanted to go to Costco, we went did a lap around store in 5 min and were back in car to go home. He wanted to go to movie and we had not ate lunch, I said I have stuff ready to fix he wanted me to drop everything go to movie. I said no now its 400 afternoon and we're not going. I am loosing patience I feel like I have to watch him 24 hrs and I am getting burned out.

tonyac2 · September 14

When I was new to dealing with my DH and his dementia, a ton of things aggravated and frustrated me regarding how he was behaving. I felt like I was thrown into a foreign country and didn’t understand the language or culture. But then I started to read and educated myself on what the disease was doing to my husband and to his brain. And I learned that he had no control over the annoying, frustrating things as the disease had hijacked his mind and body. I don’t know why I’m sharing this, maybe only to say that better understanding helped me to fine tune my compassion for him. It also has helped to to figure out ways to help him avoid getting into situations that frustrate both of us. Therapeutic fibbing has been a life saver for me. I’m new here, but I know there are many people on here with tons more experience and knowledge on handling situations. Keep coming back, you’ll learn helpful stuff here you can’t find in books.

SDianeL · September 14

Welcome. Sorry for the reason you are here. The first thing to do is read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which was recommended by a nurse. It will help you understand the disease and give tips on how to care for him. Then search online for dementia caregiving videos. Tam Cummings and Teepa Snow have good ones. One important thing I learned here from other caregivers is that you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. His brain is broken. He won’t remember what you tell him. He won’t understand directions. Tips in the book say to redirect or distract. Don’t argue. Caregiver burnout is real. Learn all you can about dementia so you can help him. Meet with an Elder Care attorney right away. Get DPOA, medical POA, HIPPA forms, wills, DNR done. Important to get those things done before he is unable to understand or sign his name. Come here often for support or to vent. We understand what you are going through. 💜

Milo4455 · September 14

DH now loves sweets. I always keep cookies hidden someplace AND offer one up in return for doing his PT, redirecting, etc. For now, it seems to work, most of the time.

trottingalong · September 14

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/253488#Comment_253488

Your explanation was spot on.

Chance Rider · September 14

I’m sorry for the reason you need to be here but glad you found this community. I’m only 1 month in with my husband’s ALZ diagnosis, though there have been signs for months if not years. It’s particularly challenging for me to deal with his mood changes and agitation. I choose my battles carefully now and just let some things go, because it’s easier on both of us. We live rurally so if he doesn’t change his clothes daily, no one’s the wiser. I do insist he shower and change for appointments.

This community is a lifeline for me as I learn something new every day from people who have real life experiences that they share. I hope you’ll check back and let us know how you’re doing.
~Eve

M5M · September 14

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/253488#Comment_253488

You are smart to read these boards as much as you can. I find that by "reading ahead", I know what to expect—and so when whatever happens, I can say, "Oh, that's sundowning", or whatever…..and don't tend to get as frustrated.