DH always wants to leave the house

annie51 · September 15

All day long, DH is constantly wanting to “get going”. He is fixated on walking a specific route in the neighborhood. We walk the route, stopping to talk to anyone we see (which is another challenge), we come home, change out of our sweaty clothes, then he says “are you ready to go?” This goes on ALL DAY LONG. He doesn’t remember that we just got back or that we walked it multiple times already. I can redirect on occasion or suggest going for a drive. This is getting really frustrating day after day after day and makes it difficult to get anything done in the house. If I try to stall to get something done, he’ll take off on his own, then I have to follow him. At least the weather should be getting cooler soon so we won’t be walking in 93 degree weather.
Thanks for letting me rant!

harshedbuzz · September 15

@annie51

That sounds both exhausting and frustrating.

I know my mom found her time as acting as dad's personal cruise director while trying to manage cooking, cleaning, bill paying, laundry and all the myriad tasks of keeping a household afloat very frustrating.

She brought in some aides, but it wasn't ideal as he only wanted mom if he knew she was around. Same if I tried to give her a break. Since you DH is driven to be on-the-go vs my dad's sedentary "come sit with me" flavor of dementia, maybe a day program where he could "volunteer because they need the helpers" would give you the needed time to take care or the house and maybe do a little something to recharge your batteries.

HB

Milo4455 · September 15

My DH seems to be getting into this as well… "let's go, go, go". Some days are worse than others and redirecting is hit, or miss. When it's a miss, we ride around, go to lunch, etc., several times a day. I just keep the jeep filled up with gas, cause I never know what the day will bring.

SDianeL · September 16

wonder if anxiety causes it? Maybe ask the doctor for anti anxiety meds?

howhale · September 16

I have seen others comment about how "clingy" their loved one is when they are around. I too found that true when I brought in some help. If I stayed present, my dear wife would focus solely on me and stop interacting with the caregiver so I quickly learned that I had to remain out of sight if I wanted any value of the time the caregiver was here. Your experiences with your loved one wanting to go outside, take walks ,go, go, go are such a surprise for me. My dear wife quickly went to just the opposite. Her safe world began to shrink. She would not go for a ride, she would not step outside, her world became basically three rooms in our home. Amazing how this condition affects each victim so differently. Makes the challenge of navigating the care for our loved one so difficult.

annie51 · September 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/253654#Comment_253654

He is taking sertraline once in the morning and a low dose of risperidone twice a day. Maybe it should be increased?

l7pla1w2 · September 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/253662#Comment_253662

I wonder whether the go-go-go behavior is just doing an activity he's still capable of. DW kept wanting to do laundry, even if there weren't many dirty clothes. It was something to do. She wanted to wash dishes by hand, rather than put them in the dishwasher, and she insisted on drying them, rather than let them drip dry in the dish rack. She has an unquenchable desire to be useful.

howhale · September 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/253717#Comment_253717

Your thoughts resonate with me as my dear wife also would try to do things she seemed to feel were her roles in the home. Obviously she could not complete any tasks but I did learn, the hard way after trying to reason with her broken reasoner, to let her do what she could. I could always go back and correct or complete the task. Just doing that little bit seemed to comfort her doing what she felt was hers to do in our home. She would have to go to the kitchen sink, attempt to hand wash a couple things, then spend much time folding the dishtowel until she felt it was perfect. This too shall pass, as it did for my dear wife, but oh how I wish I had understood better the importance it was to her and encouraged it more. Looking back, and I know this is likely just my guilt, I could have done more in the regard of activities to help her maybe feel less out of control and slipping away. Now, she is gone one month, those activities might have given her more satisfaction if only I had known then what I know now. One more commercial for the benefit of this forum at the beginning for anyone about to start this hard, lonely walk with their loved one.

Milo4455 · September 18

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/253717#Comment_253717

My DH's previous life was very full with a full time job at a gas pipeline co. and side interests of raising cattle, farming (row crop), hay production, etc. With his full time job, along with his side interests, he was always on the go, driving trucks and tractors, always checking pipelines, crops, cows, fences, etc. I believe it's deeply ingrained. So we always make our daily afternoon (and mornings, if necessary) trips to DQ (this is a new habit, the out of control sweet tooth), then cruise the back roads checking crops, fences and cows. As long as it makes him happy, we will make sure it happens.

DH always wants to leave the house

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