Do we ever sleep?

howhale · September 17

Here it is at 4 am. Been up since about 2:30 am, not unusual at all. As I scroll through the threads here, now and then offering my two cents, I noticed the times of postings. Amazing number seem to be posted during the very late hours of the evening or during the overnight hours. Do we, as caregivers, ever sleep? I know that I have not slept through the night in years now. Even though my dear wife passed one month ago, I still wake up at or near the time of her passing that day, around 4 am. I try to sleep more, stay up later, more activity, etc. without much luck. Try as I might sleep during the night is hard to find. Some suggest talking to the doc about medication to help. In time I might just have to do so but right now I cannot. I, as irrational as it may seem, take this waking up at or near the time of her passing as I held her hand with that last breath as a sign she is still with me and does not want to let me go. Hey, not much about this whole trip through the hell of dementia has been normal so why start now with logical explanations? Good thing this forum does not have open and closed hours, I would be in a real pickle then. Might have to start calling family and friends to share, vent and talk. They don't know how lucky they are that I found this forum :)

charley0419 · September 17

this forum is outstanding , if you don’t mind telling from when wife diagnosed to her passing how long and her age?

howhale · September 17

Diagnosed about 8years ago with MCI at age 67. Progressed fairly slow first couple years then accelerated. Last 2 years progressed faster and faster. Over the past 8 - 12 months, was changing weekly if not daily sometimes.

annie51 · September 17

I’m sure we can all relate to those sleepless nights. It’s amazing how active your mind can get in the middle of the night when there are no other distractions. I haven’t mastered the skill of shutting it down to go back to sleep yet. It’s a beautiful thought that your wife is with you when you wake up like that…but maybe she’s trying to comfort you and tell you she’s ok and in a better place. I hope you can find the peace to let your mind go and get the sleep you need. Hugs!

howhale · September 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/253768#Comment_253768

Seems I constantly feel like I am getting signals from my wife. I was never much of a believer in such stuff but over the past months there have been just too many coincidences to ignore. Yesterday afternoon, the one month anniversary date of her passing, I was sitting alone staring into space feeling the grief and I looked at a painting that has been hanging on the wall for 15 years. Have obviously seen it so many times and it was a painting my wife selected for that location primarily because of the colors in it. As I looked up at it I suddenly saw a face in the painting. Surely I was tired or just my imagination running wild. I took a photo of the painting and sent it to my daughters asking if the noticed anything about the painting. One, the most emotional of the three, responded immediately with "Mama", "I see Mama". OK, so maybe I am not losing it in this overwhelming grief. The a second daughter responded with an image of the painting and the face circled on it saying she sees it also. My point in all this is that maybe your interpretation of what she is trying to tell me with my middle of the night waking up is correct, not mine. It gives me something to think about but these darn "coincidences" are just too frequent to be discounted as I typically have in the past. Curious if others experience such things after their loved one has passed?

RetiredTeacher · September 17

Have you tried melatonin? I tried 3 mg, didn't notice a difference. Tried 5 mg and was able to get a restful night's sleep. I don't know if it will work for you but it helped me.

howhale · September 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/253791#Comment_253791

Thanks for the suggestion. Have an appointment now with my PCP n a week to discuss the issue and will bring that up as well. Thanks.

WIGO23 · September 17

Here is my experience.

I am a very rational, fact based person. The night my mother died, 34 years ago, I asked her (silently in my head) to let me know she was okay where she was. Nearly immediately I heard three distinct knocking sounds on the bedside table next to me. I then said, “Mom?” out loud. I then literally felt her soft hand on my forehead just as she would do to test for fever when I was a little girl. I was forty at the time.

I never tell this story in part because I think people would certainly have explanations for what I experienced. I don’t want to hear those explanations. This fact based, rational daughter prefers to believe that Mom wanted to comfort me one last time.

annie51 · September 17

I love these stories of loved ones somehow communicating from the after life. I am also a rational fact-based person but unexplainable things do happen.

Chance Rider · 4:46AM

Sharing my experience,

I’m also a fact based, rational, and somewhat spiritual person.

My partner of many years died unexpectedly in 1996. My stepmom died in 2000. In April of 2001 I moved from the home they both knew well, to a new home about 3 hours away. A few weeks after moving, at separate times, I smelled my partner’s aftershave and my stepmom’s cigarette smoke. Only experienced each smell once in the new home. I took it as a sign that they were saying that they knew where I was and that they were there with me. It was a comforting feeling and a memory I cherish.

Do we ever sleep?

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