Losing patience

JDWC3 · September 17

My brother who has power of attorney just brought documents for my mother to sign to receive some payouts from life insurance and the military. Since yesterday afternoon she believes that she got a deposit and has been pestering me about paperwork.

I suffer chronic illness. I provided care for my stepdad as he died of dementia in July and we had to move because we couldn’t keep the house. I am at my wits end.

she says I yell at her all the time. She also says I never buy her candy even though in reality I just don’t buy it when we already have it and I got some cacao powder and erythritol because the refined sugar probably has a lot to do with the dementia in the first place and will make it worse.

for all the people who want to tell me she can eat what she wants, you come live with her and deal with the additional agitation that the sugar causes once the high wears off. I don’t want her eating chocolate late because it will make her agitation worse.

I think I’m doing a terrible job providing care. I wished we could take her somewhere better and I had somewhere to go where there is no mold or artificial fragrances and I could finally get some rest and maybe have some chance to heal and have a life of my own.

Victoriaredux · September 17

JDWC3

Yes, you are dealing with a lot . The Alz Assoc has a no charge service [number below] , you can get referrals and a no charge social worker can call you back to discuss your short and long term needs. Or just listen .

Seems odd that your POA brother has your Mother signing documents to cash in military and life insurance proceeds. Usually if a DPOA is in effect because of the signer's health the signer , your Mother ,isn't involved in handling any of the financial paperwork anymore. Is she capable of handling her finances?

Does your Mother have a lawyer? Can you talk with them?

If the proceeds from these withdrawals are considered gifts it could impact your Mother's ability to get a medicaid bed in the future . What happened to the proceeds from the house sale?

Talking with an elder law attorney can clarify what should and could be happening to provide for your Mom's care. Medicaid? Respite care for you? etc.

If your brother is punting how he's handling her funds he may be missing some options. [Assuming he is a straight shooter and isn't co-mingling funds]. Talking with an elder law attorney can help with this.

Then you can game plan for your future , hopefully you'll have many healthy years ahead when your care giving days are over.

"The Alzheimer’s Association is here all day, every day for people facing Alzheimer’s and other dementia through our free 24/7 Helpline (800.272.3900). Talk to a dementia expert now and get confidential emotional support, local resources, crisis assistance and information in over 200 languages. It's ok if you don't know where to start. Just give us a call and we'll guide you from there." (1- 800- 272-3900)

Losing patience

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