Do You Ever?
Do you ever get so confused listening to your PWD that you wonder if you are the one impaired? There are times my DH’s view of reality is so different from mine that it makes me question who is grounded in accurate memory of the event. It is hard to describe but his verbal skills are excellent and in tact. He made his living as an attorney so presenting cases in a convincing manner is deeply ingrained in him. There are times when something has occurred and he is describing it in a way that is so different from my view of it or my recall of it that I think “am I okay?”
Comments
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This is very interesting. Yes, I have felt the same way and questioned my own ability to see the truth, and think "maybe it's just me."
Sort of like a form of self-gaslighting. This view that "maybe it's me" gets affirmed by the cleverness of our LO, in often seeming totally normal when interacting with neighbors. Then when we're alone, it's back to bizarro world. Pretty mysterious.5 -
… this phenomenon you speak of was the inspiration for this poem written in 2020-
I Correct your Stories
The way you tell it is not the way I lived it.what makes me think I could be
the grand interpreter
of your experience?
My synapses sludge thru white matter lesions,
fact is
I really do believe 1+1=1,
at times.
What makes me think I know
what happened?
Was I even there at all?
Maybe you’re right, and
I am unkind in my insistence.
I am the caretaker though,
(my words,)
always have been that.
For my wounded mother
who abandoned us for her own survival.
For my father’s toxic self-pity,
care to dodge his dangerous side.
Yearn to be seen by sibs
who fought for their own
survival. But
we were all cut down
by incoming.
Now,
I look upon
my willing, at times fearful forfeit
of my life,
and consider my chances for fleshing myself out.
My desperation is not yours,
I wonder, is there time
to recover my self?
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Wow - powerful. Thanks for sharing this. You have a way with words
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Absolutely! Yes! For me I just have to “shake it off” or we (DW & I) won’t make it.
3 -
@WIGO23
I never questioned my own recollection of events as the result of dad's version— he'd always had a talent for twisting the narrative for his own purposes.
That said, he retained his language abilities right up until he died. He'd been a well-liked teacher and had the Irish gift for storytelling. I brought dad lunch at the MCF about 8 hours before he died from complications of aspiration pneumonia. A SLP was there doing a swallowing evaluation, and she used the Chik-Fil-A lunch I'd brought in testing. Between bites, dad told me about my sister finally coming to visit him and promising to make the effort to come more often. He went on to explain she was busy as the young single mom of 2 kids and had recently gotten a promotion at work. Dad was tired after lunch, so the SLP and I went into the hall to discuss next steps with the DON. SLP commented on how intact dad's speech was— the vocabulary and fluency were remarkable given his swallowing difficulties. Then she commented on how happy he seemed that my sister was able to visit. She was shocked when I told her my sister had died almost 30 years prior.
HB2 -
Lol. I thought it was just me. My Dh will tell something and I'll think " i don't remember it that way". So yes to your question.
1 -
it’s called confabulation. Their brains take bits of info and scramble them, add to them or subtract from them. Then they may add hallucinations and delusions. Combined with showtiming, it’s no wonder we caregivers question our own memories. 😢💜
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Today is was speaking to my mechanic about my car they had for a recall for 7days ,to see if it was done. It wasn't. I said your kidding no yelling. Later in the day they called and said my car was done. Told my Dh it was done he said it's because you yelled and screamed at him!. Im not a person that yells or screams but I thought maybe he precieved it that way. My son was here at that time so I called and ask him if I yelled. He just laughed and said no.
I apologize to John the mechanic if I yelled at him and he started laughing saying no you didn't.
So my point of this is my Dh hallucinating or just being a jerk to me.
2 -
💕
1 -
- Misperception: Dementia can affect how the brain interprets sensory information, leading to hallucinations or delusions where your husband genuinely perceives you are yelling.
- Unmet Needs: He might be feeling confused, anxious, or frustrated due to the disease, and these feelings can manifest as accusations.
- Different Reality: People with dementia live in a different reality than others, and challenging their perspective is counterproductive.
2 -
Very insightful on the progression from confabulation to hallucination and delusion. Do you recall what stage Lonny was at when serious delusions began? My DW, well into stage 5, has been confabulating for 18 months but started frightening delusions in the last month or so. I have not observed visual hallucinations yet, but maybe some audio. Thanks for all your helpful advice.
1 -
Lonny was mid stage to late stage 5 when they started. Risperidone helped. He also started having spells where he zoned out and wouldn’t respond at all. Almost like sleep walking. It was so frightening.
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My sister also lived in a different reality than I do. Listening to her sometimes, I'd feel like I wasn't standing on solid ground. When I was with her reality always seemed quite fluid, and not at all fixed, if you know what I mean.
3
Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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