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Grief while still caring for LO

otfgirl750
otfgirl750 Member Posts: 24
10 Comments 5 Likes 5 Care Reactions
Member

I just need to vent to someone that understands. Mom is in MC so I know I am not dealing with as much as many here, but it is so hard. She is sad, angry, scared and confused and any one of those is hard to watch your Mom go through. I miss my Mom and all the good times. I had my doctor say “it must be easier now that she is in memory care”… it is not. Someone said to me “it will be easier when she can’t remember you”… it will not be. This has been the hardest year of my life but I know it has been harder for her. Dad died a year ago and she has been through so much since then.

Everyone here is so helpful. Thank you for lending an ear.

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Comments

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 2,295
    1,000 Likes 500 Insightfuls Reactions 1000 Comments 500 Care Reactions
    Member

    yes we understand. Watching your LO go through this is heartbreaking. You are grieving what you’ve lost and what will never be. It’s called anticipatory grief. Ask the facility if they have a Social Worker you can talk to. They offered at my husband’s facility. They also had a support group. I know the sadness you feel. We’re here for you. Praying for you and your Mom. Hugs. 💜🙏

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,796
    Eighth Anniversary 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    @otfgirl750-

    Every part of this is hard. Placement is a different kind of caregiving with slightly different concerns, not a get-out-of-jail-free card.

    What you are describing is anticipatory grief. There are books and articles that may help you understand this unique kind of grief.

    HB

  • lewisstreet17572
    lewisstreet17572 Member Posts: 1
    First Comment
    Member

    hello. good evening. I hope my message finds you well. Stay strong my friend. I wish I could do more.

  • ForDad1234
    ForDad1234 Member Posts: 3
    First Comment
    Member

    We understand you here. Every step is difficult. Just take it one day at a time. Not every day will be good and not every day will be bad. It’s possible to get along just one step at a time

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more