Travel With Alzheimer’s

welden · October 12

My wife has Alzheimer’s, and she really wants to move back to her hometown, which is 2500 miles from where we live now. We can either fly or drive (money is not a concern), but I can see potential problems for either. Driving will mean many hours in the car each day, and she doesn’t like that idea. Flying presents other difficulties; what if she wanders off while I’m in the men’s room? What if she goes into the lady’s room and doesn’t come out? What if she creates a scene?

I would love to hear from anyone with experience and advice.

terei · October 12

IMO it all depends on what her level of impairment is(for travel). Why dont you take a one or two day trip with her + see how she does? As far as moving back to her hometown, at this point, you should be living where YOU are the most comfortable and supported. You dont let a child old dictate where you live. If you are worried about her wandering off or not being compliant, she cannot dictate where you are living.

I will say, however, I would be telling her you are working on making the trip and to try to be patient when you do this. Remember, the government is shut down + travel is problematic right now. You can use this and many other excuses to delay any travel at all.

SDianeL · October 12

travel is very challenging with people with dementia. For the reasons you stated and more. Many people with dementia want to go home. For them home is a feeling not a place. Wanting to go home is caused by anxiety. She may be remembering her childhood home. I would try to get her to talk about her hometown memories. Sometimes that calms their anxiety. Fib to her and tell her you’ll plan something. Moving to a different city with someone who has dementia is extremely challenging and causes them more anxiety. I would stay where you want to stay. Only move if you need to move closer to family for help. Your wife is unable to reason so I wouldn’t go based on what she says she wants.

Quilting brings calm · October 13

You want to live where there is support for you. Family, friends, ease of your daily life - house size, collection, close to what you need to drive to etc.

As to the actual trip- you need a third person with you to help you with those bathroom stops and other situations. A female to take her to the women’s restroom while you use the men’s. We drove my mom from southern Alabama to central Illinois and it took both my husband and me. We slept in the same hotel room as her and put a chair against the hotel room door so we’d hear her if she tried to wander.
Put her in the back seat of the car and engage the child locks. Otherwise she might attempt to open the car door while you are driving.

paczos9 · October 13

My 92 year old mother who has moderate Alzheimer's and needs daily help also wants to move back to where she grew up and lived until about 6 years ago when we moved her closer to family due to her dementia. It is only about 3 hours away and I have taken her to visit, but she has become truly obsessed with moving back to the point it is causing arguments almost daily as she does not understand why she needs to live closer to one of her children.

My dilemma is how to diffuse the situation when she brings this up over and over again. I have tried explaining but she does not agree or understand. I have tried changing the subject and she becomes angry accusing me of changing the subject. I have tried ignoring her and she becomes angry if I ignore her. She accuses me of not caring about what she wants and can't understand why her children won't help her be where she would be happy.

Any suggestions on how to manage this?

H1235 · October 13

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255982#Comment_255982

Welcome. Wow I could have written this. In fact I’m sure I probably did post something very similar. I tried everything you have and found nothing that worked. It was a no win situation. It’s been about two and a half years now since I moved her out of her home and she has finally stopped bringing it up. I don’t think it was anything I did or said that prompted this gradual change. Unfortunately I have no solution for you. I guess just know you are not alone in dealing with this. You are doing the right thing.

paczos9 · October 13

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255985#Comment_255985

I'm beginning to see that nothing will change and I have to accept it. Thankfully I have a supportive husband and siblings although none of my siblings live close by.

I have to say just hearing I am not alone with this helps. Thank you!

Palmetto Peg · October 13

If you fly to make the move, contact the airline and tell them you are traveling with a PWD. They will have a wheelchair for her, and ask for a same sex attendant who could take her to the bathroom. Most airports also have family restrooms that you can both use together. I would definitely fly. Ask her doctor for a mild sedative - Ativan for instance - to give her for the trip. Driving is just too much for both of you. Best of luck!

harshedbuzz · October 14

@welden

If there is a universal for people in the later stages of dementia, it is a burning desire to go home. In this context, home is more of a feeling than a place. Your DW may be seeking security or a relief from the confusion and anxiety they may have or even a return to a place where restrictions like "no driving" don't apply. There are plenty among us who have a LO living in the home they've owned for decades who badger their family about "going home".

I am of the opinion that the caregiver needs to make the decision around where they live. IMO, you should live where you have it easiest because of support or even familiarity with the area. Unless you have the means to be moving around, it would be prudent to live where you want to be in stage 8 after your LO passes.

Travel with a PWD is challenging for both parties. IME, taking a PWD out of their usual routine and environment seems to result in an increase in symptoms associated with the next stage of dementia. This means you need to be proactive and prepared for new behaviors like incontinence, sundowning or fractured sleep patterns.

It's often a good idea to bring a female relative to assist with your wife while you travel if at all possible.

HB

Travel With Alzheimer’s

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories