First visit memory care

Katcat · October 23

our visit was terrible. Hubby has been in mc one week. He was crying he wants to go home. Can’t under why he can’t be home. I said all the right things but didn’t do any good. I told him I’d be back tomorrow. I’m hoping he will have forgotten I was there. They say this is normal. How long will it go on. Is he going to do this when friends visit. It’s so sad.

wose · October 23

I just wanted to say .. I’m so sorry and give you a hug. I’m so dreading that day that I’m afraid is approaching. There are no words but know it will get better as the days pass. It’s all so new and raw with emotions. Sending you strength and support 💔💕

annie51 · October 23

Sending hugs! It’s so very hard on you. Do something that will relax you and try, try again, as we all have during our respective journeys. It will get better.

Dio · October 23

I'm not sure if the facility's administrator/director advised you already, but typically after placement, we are advised not to visit for a while, to give the new resident a chance to acclimate to the new environment. That being said, the "wanting to go home" may be ongoing. Several residents at DH's MCF are always by the door, wanting/insisting on going home or that "someone (fill in the blank) is supposed to come pick me up." Very sad, but it's the nature of the disease and how it affects each person. Truth be told, I don't think anyone in a facility likes to be there. My DH wants to come home, too, but for now he's lucid enough to understand why he can't. Hugs…give it some time.

Katcat · October 23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/256770#Comment_256770

Hi there, Yes, he has been there for one week and I didn't visit however the head nurse told me it was ok to visit today. I was hoping it wasn't going to be this way. I'm thinking that after I left he probably forgot I was there. Thank you for your thoughts. hugs to you too

cdgbdr · October 24

My DH has been in MC 7 weeks. I dread visiting. He wants to come home with me, asks about things at home at times. Everyone assures me it was the right thing to do but it's the hardest thing I've ever done and I am conflicted at times. Now, I tell him I need to talk to the nurse and leave. I think he quickly forgets I was there. This is hard.

CindyBum · October 24

Big, big hug.

SDianeL · October 24

I visited at mealtime so he would be distracted. When I left I didn’t say goodbye. I just quietly left and told the nurse I was leaving. She always took him ice cream to distract him after I left. Many PWDs want to go home even if they are being cared for at home. Home is a feeling not necessarily a place. Did you try blaming the doctor? So sorry. I know how difficult this is. Hugs.

Budcat2181 · October 24

New to the group. First post. My DW with EO just completed 3 weeks in a MC facility. We position this new stage in lives as her new job. We are both 62 and she is still very active. For the first 2 weeks I would just go and watch her through the door. This gave me what I needed to get through the day while she continued acclimate. Now that I have been able to visit her, she wants to go home. SDaineL posted she uses the same mealtime strategy as I do when it is time to leave. It works well. I believe HE is with you. Prayers for you both.

Katcat · October 24

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/256796#Comment_256796

i know exactly how you feel. He wants to come home. I start questioning myself thinking I should have kept him home. And yet I know it wont work and he will only get worse. It is so terrible. I feel awful for him. I’m not visiting tomorrow to give me a break. The good thing is he forgets I was even there. Do you think he forgets you were there. Sending hugs

cdgbdr · October 24

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/256855#Comment_256855

I think he does forget but it's pretty awful.

Katcat · October 24

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/256856#Comment_256856

it is so awful but I think it’s better he forgets I was there or he will just keep crying. This disease has to be the worse.

White Crane · October 25

My DH had been in MC since Jan. 2024. The first visits were really hard and he wanted to come home with me and said he just wanted to be with me. It broke my heart. He would cling to me when I tried to leave and yell at me all the way down the hall to come back. I had to learn little fiblets such as: I have to pick up my Rx and I'll be right back. I also had to learn to say goodbye once and leave even if he continued to yell at me. That was so so hard! Going before lunch helped as the aides would take him to the table and I could slip away. He is on a good medication regimine now and is pretty much okay when I leave although I still tell him I will be right back. There are still times when he wants to go with me and I have to tell him the doctor wants him to stay here for a little while. I know this is hard and heartbreaking for you and I wish there was some magic formula to ease both your mind and his. Try different things and find what works for you. Sending big hugs.

Brenda

Katcat · October 25

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/256920#Comment_256920

thx so much. I’m doing the same thing. Yesterday they distracted him and I left. I’m pretty sure he forgets I was there. I’ll pray for you. Monday the assessor comes for insurance. They better approve. Can’t wait to get that over with.

Katcat · October 26

today’s visit much better. Now I know why. Not visiting in the room works. Hubby doesn’t like the room so much. He’s less anxious sitting in common room. Tomorrow is assessment with insurance. Fingers crossed they approve.

annie51 · October 26

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/257002#Comment_257002

So glad the visit went better. Good observation about using the common room.

Katcat · October 27

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/257017#Comment_257017

today we had assessment for insurance purposes. They just have to approve.

First visit memory care

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