Driving Restored?
I'm very frustrated because the doctor told my DH (58) with EOAD that he should stop all driving until he could take a driving test to certify that he is still capable. We'd been going along our daily routine just fine with me driving him daily to the gym and grocery store (as he likes to get 1 item at a time).
The day finally came last week for his driving test at the DMV. They know of his diagnosis. After his test the workers were high-fiving him because he had no mistakes on his test. I was flabbergasted but I could see that he was really happy. I did ask when he would need to re-test again and their answer was not until I notice his driving getting worse.
I called our insurance company while we were still at the DMV to confirm he'd be covered and they said as long as there are no restrictions on his license they will insure him. Am I crazy to be worried about him driving again?
Comments
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IDK but look forward to reading the responses to your post. So much to learn.
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I find it difficult to address this. I can’t believe the lack of help, support, care and understanding from the medical field and the insurance company, it is beyond my understanding. Your DH has been diagnosed I’m assuming you have POA bank accounts and the rest under your control you are therefore totally responsible for your DH then how on earth could you let your DH behind the wheel and put others and himself in danger of his driving. The medical field should be taken to task. I hope that doesn’t sound too strong but anyone in this situation should not be on the road. Knowing his condition you would probably be held accountable for his actions. Please stop him driving I know it’s one of the hardest things to do. I totally understand. Take care.
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have the doctor send a letter to the DMV. I believe there is a form online for the doctor to complete.
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This is a very heartbreaking and volatile stsge that I’ve been going thru for 3 years now. It’s the main reason that on occasion I must lock my bedroom door to sleep. I sleep every night with the car keys under my pillow and have them on my person at all other times. My DH has been prescribed medication for this as well but to not much avail. The poor guy keeps forgetting he can’t drive and I’m forced to remind him 5 times a day. It not only breaks my heart but brings on some very scary aggression. Like your DH, my DH passed both written and driving exam with flying colors. I made an appointment with his neurologist and really put my foot down. 3 forms came in the mail from the DMV that had to be filled out by a Doctor or his license must be turned in. It scared him so he turned his license over. But it didn’t end there. It still goes on every day. He wants to call a lawyer to get it back. He just doesn’t understand why he can’t drive. He doesn’t blame me but he accuses me of taking his keys, which I did do. All I can do is try to find someone who will prescribe another medication. It’s quite intolerable but no how no way is he ever getting those car keys again. I’m so sorry you’re going through this💜
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this has been an issue for me as well. If we were retired this would be so much easier but when this journey starts at a younger age and your LO is still working it adds another layer.
We can report them to the DMV but if they pass and their license is not revoked what can you do. They are basically saying they are safe to drive.
As a reasonable person who does know of the diagnosis you put yourself at risk if you knowingly allow them to drive so you report them to DMV praying they won’t pass. Who does the burden fall on after the DMV passes them? Who should it fall on? Why are the doctors not reporting them to DMV? Shouldn’t there be an obligation of the medical community to report it?
it is not right to put this on the spouse. I am curious what state you live in.4 -
I would contact your financial advisor and attorney for advice on how to protect your assets in the event of an accident.
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When my DH started to get lost driving to familiar places, his neurologist told him he needed to be tested for driving through a health network, not DMV. The medical driving assessment included
- reaction-time screening
- memory and problem solving
- upper and lower body strength and coordination
cognitive processing skills.
I don’t know how in-depth the DMV test is, but If things escalate, maybe it would be worth going through a health network assessor. This is an ugly, touchy matter, but eventually my DH mind moved passed wanting to drive.
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I agree with SDiane - see if you can get his doctor involved. If your LO trusts his doctor, then a firm word from a medical professional may help.
Our PCP told DH that he needed to let me drive him - did not tell DH to stop driving, just nicely suggested it would be best that I did the driving. So that is how I remind DH when he asks for the keys. When I say “the doctor said I should be the driver now” that seems to work. I just have to be ready to stop what I am doing and either get in the car or see if I can distract DH so he forgets he wants to go somewhere at the spur of the moment.
Being flexible in these situations gets to be exhausting! We do understand what you are living thru, Cardenas! I know you will find something that will work for you and keep everyone safe and sound. Sending hugs and prayers.
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That all sounds fine and logical BUT!!!!! There’s no control over who he hits, OR who hits him. Remember anyone can sue anyone for anything. Even though the accident wasn’t his fault and no laws were broken: he can be sued in civil court for the same thing and you can loose. What condition he is in at the moment to fine but as we all know, MCI continues to debilitate every day. You may not “see” the changes but, they are changing. What’s good today may not be good tomorrow. Unfortunately, I’m pointing out reality and that is, he shouldn’t be driving. It’s not worth the risk of you loosing what financial security you have based on his condition is today and assuming it remains the same 1month, 1 week or 1 day the same with the diagnosis he has.
All the best to you both as you travel this horrible journey we all are in.6 -
Trying not to be political but from some horrid accidents recently seems many DMVs today are more interested in social engineering than road safety.
Is the disease unpredictable and progressive- YES
Can the disease involve visual distortions -YES
Would a jury find your LO financially responsible- esp if your LO can not participate in any meaningful defense [due to lack of memory - or fantasy memories] - most likely.
Can't ignore the DA could get involved too if it is a bad accident with publicity.
Some Doctors defer to DMV - They don't want lawsuits for restricting freedoms when they don't perform road tests. Some are more forward thinking.
Can you just return to you being only driver? Say you enjoy the time together . Easier if you drop him off at the gym/store door etc etc ….. If you have two cars - sell one .
Even with the car encrusted with GPS ,cameras etc I'd never feel comfortable with a PWD driving. It's a box of matches in a financial sawdust factory.
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I live in Texas. It's one of the states that doesn't automatically take the license away at the time of the diagnosis, much to my dismay.
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At the suggestion of our internist, I had my wife evaluated annually by an occupational therapist who specialized in driving evaluations. She started to put restrictions on my DW, i.e., no night driving, no driving in bad weather, etc. Ultimately, I decided to not let her drive anymore. It was contentious to say the least.
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During his Neuropsychological exam, my DH (68 at the time) took the DCAT exam (Drivable Cognitive Assessment Tool). I was not in the room when he took the exam, but he explained that it was computerized and he had to push a button when things happened on the screen.
He scored 89% likely to fail an on-road test and his driving was rated "Highly Affected." He also had a 79% "Probability of causing a hazardous situation on the road."
This report was not submitted to the DMV. All that occurred was a conversation with us explaining that he shouldn't drive. It took a few months before he gave up driving on his own. During this time we sold his car and he was not allowed to drive mine and I reminded him why.
It took a year before he stopped asking every Dr. when he could start driving again.
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I told my husband's neurologist that I thought he should stop driving. She requested a driving evaluation from an occupational therapist. It consisted of lengthy cognitive testing as well as a road test. He failed the cognitive test with flying colors but passed the road test (according to him). The occupational therapist notified the DMV and he had to surrender his license. This put the burden of taking away his keys on his neurologist and the occupational therapist. The testing that an occupational therapist does is very different from a test at the DMV.
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Our neurologist gave him a choice of DMV or computerized test. He opted for DMV since he's not great with technology now. In hindsight we should've gone with the computerized test first. I'm communicating now with his neurologist to see what we should do now.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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