Roadtrip from hell - vent

We drove my mil home from a funeral out of state. We had the same 4 conversation over and over and over for hours. Thankfully she had not complaint about the driving, but the repeated conversation was torture. The next day she was complaining that the person who had died hasn’t called her in ages. She had no memory of the trip. I would say live and learn, but when there was another family death out of state her daughters once again insisted she attend. I feel for you, it’s tough.

Yes, I too drove a PWD on a ten-hour trip. The confined space, the necessity of paying close attention to driving and everything else, and the relentless repetitive questions… My LO was not argumentative, just persistent with “Where are we going?” and “When will we get there?” It was tough and heartbreaking. I also realized that this would very likely be the last time I would make a trip with my LO.

This is exactly how my mom acted when we moved her back to our home state on an emergency basis. A 12 hour drive over two days. It was indeed the trip from hell. She tried to open the truck door at highway speed. We took her straight to the ER when we got to our home town. Where she was diagnosed with urosepsis after weeks of us telling her doctors that she had a UTI and them denying it.

I couldn’t have done it without my spouse because I couldn’t even go to a bathroom without him supervising her after I’d supervised her in the bathroom.

Wow. What an ordeal. So glad you are home safely! The last time I took a long distance trip with my mom was several years before we had a dementia diagnosis. In hindsight, there were many red flags that I missed, and I thought that she was just being difficult. There is no way that I would attempt such a thing now. Some family members do not understand why I won't bring her from out of state to see them! My elderly aunt is the one who understands best. Her husband passed from Alzheimers. She told me that the last trip they took together, she woke one morning with a phone call. The hotel manager told her that her husband was in the lobby asking for his car. He was stark naked and had no idea where his room was and with whom he was traveling. Fortunately he was able to give his name, which enabled the hotel staff to look up his room number and call his wife!

You are right about this making their world shrink to just a few close, familiar places. You are also right that this situation affects us more acutely than it does them. We are the ones who grieve and rage against the changes we don't want to see. For them, the smaller world is security and comfort.

.

Oh no, I was not criticizing your decision to travel. Every situation is different. I'm glad that the reunions were a blessing.

That last trip I took with my mom was, interestingly, to attend the 90th birthday celebration of the aunt (my late dad's sister) whose experience I mentioned. I took mom and my then 5-year-old son about 5 hours away to the event. Mom was very anxious while we were on the road, obsessed with getting lost, commenting frequently about the speed limits, becoming irritable with my son, who just wanted her to read books with him on the drive. When we stopped for a restroom break, I came out to find her asking a stranger in the parking lot if he knew where my aunt lived! While at the family gathering, she shadowed me so much that I couldn't have an independent conversation, and she asked me repeatedly who certain individuals were - people she hadn't seen recently, but had known for decades. She also became increasingly harsh toward my son, appearing to be jealous of any attention that I gave him and having no patience with normal five-year-old behavior. She settled down some on the return trip, but it was exhausting. You would think I would have gotten a clue, but she lived far from me at that time (scary fact - she had driven herself 8 hours to reach my house before we made the trip to the birthday celebration) and dementia was not on my radar. That was her last long drive, but it still took another two years before reality began to dawn on me. Slow learner!

Yes, it was the mercy of God that she made it safely here and home across four states. With what I know now, I shudder to think of all that could have happened to her.