Alcohol and dementia
My DH was diagnosed with early onset dementia 3 months ago. It was suggested he limit alcohol to 2 or 3 drinks a day. He has been regularly drinking each day at mid-afternoon and passes out by 6 pm for a couple of hours. He cut back briefly but he’s gradually increasing again. We had an argument about it tonight and I got very angry and didn’t handle things well. He’s in denial about the drinking and a bit about the dementia as well just blaming it on getting older (he’s 68.). We’ve been noticing memory issues for about 2 years but couldn’t get him to go to the doctor about it until recently. I’m ashamed of my behavior tonight. Does anyone have advice on the best way to handle something like this? Do I just let him drink? I’m lost on how to handle this. Thank you.
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Welcome. Sorry about your husband’s diagnosis. Your husband has Anosognosia which is a condition in which a person with a disability is cognitively unaware of having it due to an underlying physical condition like dementia. He is unable to comprehend he has dementia and may be incapable of realizing he’s an alcoholic. Talk to his doctor. Alcoholism can cause dementia due to vitamin deficiency. He should be checked for that. I know that others on this forum have LOs who have drinking problems. Hopefully they will answer your post.. If he’s driving he shouldn’t be. If not, who is buying the liquor for him? I remember posts about watering down the liquor gradually to at least cut back. You are at the right place for info and support.
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Found these tips online:
- Remove all alcohol from the home. If necessary, replace it with non-alcoholic beverages such as low-alcohol or non-alcoholic beer or wine.
- Put the person’s address on the “Do Not Deliver” bottle delivery list. Some bottle delivery programs will accept a letter from a doctor or another person in authority, such as the person assigned Durable Power of Attorney. Call your local liquor commission to inquire about this option.
- Let all other family members and friends know that you would like them to refrain from bringing alcohol to the person.
- Keep the person busy with other activities.
- Find out what is motivating the person to drink. Could it be loneliness, stress, anxiety, depression or grieving? Find solutions to these underlying causes.
- If possible, limit access to funds they use to pay for the alcohol.
- Know your limits as a family member/caregiver. Look after yourself first. The overuse of alcohol likely predated the dementia and will likely be a difficult behaviour to change. A loved one with dementia is unable to appreciate (or remember appreciating) that there is a problem.
- Get your loved one assessed by a specialist. Geriatric Psychiatrists are experienced in this area. It is difficult to determine the level of cognitive impairment when someone is under the influence..
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Thank you for this information. He only drinks in the afternoon and evening and doesn't drink if he knows he's going to drive, so he can control it to a certain extent. He buys the alcohol himself. I have talked to his doctor about it and the doctor did bloodwork to test for vitamin deficiencies due to alcohol and his bloodwork came back okay, at the lowest end of the normal range. The doctor did suggest he cut back, which he did briefly. When I try to discuss it with him it usually ends in an argument. I’m not sure of the best way to handle it.
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This was very helpful! Thank you.
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What type of alcohol is he drinking? is it something you could water down or buy a non alcoholic version to substitute.
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He drinks beer and whiskey. The beer doesn’t seem to affect him as much as the whiskey. I notice more cognitive issues when he drinks whiskey and the issues carry over to the next day. I suppose I could water the whiskey down. Although I’d like to get him to stop or reduce his alcohol intake, I think I can’t talk with him about it. He doesn’t think the alcohol has anything to do with the dementia. It’s a hard realization for me. I’m not sure that’s possible now.
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abt 10 minute youtube on having a PWD with alcohol/addiction issues
Neither dementia or alcohol overuse can be cured/solved by another outside person and a PWD may not be able to participate in much if any agreement or planning . Like Teepa says it involves the primitive part of the brain seeking to relieve pain. Take care of you in this - get your finances and legal angles in order .
See if there is a memory care unit near you that is researching /treating this combo. Or a geri psych specialist with an addiction treatment background. A supervised alcohol detox would be the safest and followed by memory care - where no alcohol would be available but timing is tricky. Too soon for MC? Getting a specialist for advise would be great.
If you are counting on him knowing when it is safe for him to drive - that's a dangerous hope. Suggest you get professional advise on how to handle this too- aside from the moral angle [increased risk of causing harm to others] a bad car accident could be a financial ruin.
And , for your safety, keep your phone charged and have a room you can lock yourself in to call 911 if he were to get aggressive - then he could be taken to a geri psych unit for evaluation and treatment.
Take care. Don't be hard on yourself - trying to negotiate with another person is normal- us humans like to solve and fix things —-sadly an alcohol abuser and a dementia patient are the two hardest to deal with .
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I have been having this same issue for some time. Usually, I can suggest limiting his drinking and sometimes-just sometimes-he will listen. But recently, it has gotten worse. We were out to dinner the other night and he had two glasses of wine. He wanted a third one and I said no-we were actually getting ready to leave. He got upset and very verbal. The next night there was an incident that really scared me. He drank almost two bottles of wine in a matter of three hours. I had never seen anything like it. He was essentially guzzling it. When I attempted to stop or intervene he says that it wasnt him. When his wine is gone he believes people come into the house and drink it or I throw it out. After that incident, I did throw out any remaining alcohol in the house. He doesnt drive or have access to money so he cant buy it himself. But when we go to the grocery store he will want to buy it. So I have decided to have the groceries delivered from now on. I am also going to try and have a bottle of non alcoholic wine available-I will have to put in a regular bottle or he will know. I realize I cant reason with him but it is sometimes hard to hide my feelings when it comes to this issue.
The problem is stopping his drinking makes him safer but he can still get mean and belligent when he doesnt get his wine. Is there medication that curb cravings?
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Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.
The intersection between alcohol use disorder and dementia is not an easy place to be. I have some experience with the two conditions as my dad had an ARD called Wernicke-Kosakoff's along with Alzheimer's and had a drinking problem since the death of my sister who had been his mini-me.
Has your DH been diagnosed by a neurologist? Dad was diagnosed as the result of a psychotic episode that landed him in the ED where the neurology resident started IV Thiamine immediately after his blood draw. Although the blood test showed "low-normal" Thiamine a week or so later when it came back, the course of IV Thiamine, his symptoms and a PET scan confirmed his WKS diagnosis. Dad did recover some cognitive function with the Thiamine and abstinence while in a SNF upon discharge, but the gains were soon lost once he was home and drinking again.
Dad had a degree of anosognosia around his cognitive changes, so reasoning with him was pointless. I explored a Geriatric Substance 28-Day Rehab, but given his lack of working memory and motivation the director told me he would not be successful. Choosing sobriety requires learning to identify triggers, learn ways to work around them and recognize when to employ those strategies— skills he no longer had sadly.
We did work with a geriatric psychiatrist on medication for mood and anxiety. Dad's geri psych prescribed Wellbutrin to help activate him a bit and while it didn't do that, it did seem to lessen his need to consume a lot of alcohol. There are some meds that can be trialed including the GLP-1 prescribed off-label. Once he was on Wellbutrin (which is used for smoking, too) things got easier and he might be happy with a single glass.
I found most of SDianeL's google search to be ineffective to dangerous in practice. I suspect this was a U.K. or Canadian site as we don't have a "u" in behavior and I have never heard of "Do Not Deliver" list or a "local liquor commission" policing adults.
I've heard of folks watering drinks or offering N/A versions but that went horribly bad for us. Dad's brain was damaged; his palate was intact. I even tried using his favorite wine's bottles to serve but he knew it wasn't his beloved Kendall- Jackson.
Not having wine in the house or refusing to buy it lead to aggression and abuse. It simply wasn't safe to have him at home under those circumstances. Trying to limit amounts only led to him finishing a bottle and opening another. His appetite for alcohol did lessen as the disease progressed but that may have been related to the Alzheimer's.
The one change that could have worked was placement. Alas, dad had lost $360K earlier in the disease and there wasn't money for him to be placed in stage 4 because he could have spent down without being progressed enough for a Medicaid SNF bed. Additionally, in this scenario mom would be very limited in care options should she need AL at some point.
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Thank you for sharing this. My heart goes out to you. Your story has helped me understand this better. Thanks for helping others by sharing!
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Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry you’re going through this☹️. Your experience has given me more realistic expectations. My husband was put on Sertraline for depression which has helped him, but I’m afraid the increased drinking will negate the effects of his antidepressant. I have been trying to reason with him on this and it sounds like that doesn’t really work in this situation; in fact it angers him. That tells me not to push this further with him and to think of ways to get around it. I don’t want to destroy his trust of me. Take care.
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I feel for you!
My DH was a life long alcoholic who quit for 20 years. It seems that once he started having dementia symptoms he started sneak drinking again. It exacerbated his dementia so much. I took him to the ER and they said he needed to stop drinking, but had no solutions.
Eventually his dementia got so bad I placed him in MC during covid. He was able to stop drinking without withdrawal symptoms because he was also taking Xanax. During his time there, he got so much better that I brought him home after 5 weeks.
Once home, I refused to buy him alcohol or take him to the stores. He never tried home delivery. It was very difficult because he was always begging for a drink, but I persevered. Things finally calmed down, but his dementia progressed. He is now in a SNF and still asks me for a glass of wine when I visit.
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Your story gives me hope that we could delay the dementia progression if he will quit drinking. I admire your perseverance and devotion! Thanks for sharing your story!
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Hi, Hashedbuzz,
I learned a lot from your detailed post. So sorry you’ve had that experience but glad you shared.
I am fairly new to these discussions and everyone has been so supportive and validating. I found each and every person has a story. I can relate to most whether they live in a similar type community as me or if they are in a different part of the country or other side of the world. And if a tip or recommendation is not exactly the same in my area, at least the concept is the same and I may be able to find something similar to help me and my DH in our situation.I hope you can acknowledge our differences and find common ground so we can all get through these nightmares together.
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I started replacing my husband's gin with water. He mixed drinks and never noticed. They also have non-alcohol beers and liquors that taste like the real deal.
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I consider myself a bit lucky that gin is my DW's liquor of choice. It has been easy to water down and like you said never noticed. For all the others dealing with this. I also have noticed as the disease progresses she is just drinking less in general. Her losing the ability to initiate any activities has included less going to the liquor bottle to make a drink.
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Perhaps my favorite quote from SDaniel — you can't reason with someone who's reasoner is broken. Hell, my dad when I was younger was an alcoholic. You can't reason with them either. That disease also removes the ability to reason.
Best of luck. I love the watering down the whiskey idea.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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