My plan of action failed

Pat Slive · November 15

In conjunction with a wonderful Care Consultant, #1 on my action plan is safety concerns. If my husband continued hitting himself or struck me, I was to call 911 and ask for him to be taken to the hospital for a psych eval. After a comprehensive evaluation, including an MRI to possibly identify the type of dementia, I planned to pursue placement from there. We faced a similar situation about a year ago—they said he had mild dementia, probably Alzheimer.s , and he agreed to take a mood stabilizer. I'm sure he has some form of dementia, although I'm not convinced that it's Alzheimers, he refused to take the medication once we got home, and we're now back to square one except that he is slowly getting worse.

I finally decided it was time to take action even though he does usually start to calm down when I have threatened to call 911. It took a lot of courage for me to make that call! Long story short: police said he did not meet their strict criteria for a forced admission but that Crisis Services works under a broader definition. Crisis Services was here earlier today and concluded that he doesn't meet their criteria either!! He is worse, not better, than he was last year, but I think he maybe showed more aggresssion toward them then. They said that right now all they could do is try to link me with some supportive services.

My Plan B was to proceed to set up my knee surgery, forcing at least a temporary placement for him which could then become permanent. Then with a recent snowfall, I realized that it would make more sense to wait until spring, since it will be very difficult for me to put cleats on my shoes, and we had slippery sidewalks all last winter.

Friends have expressed concern over my increased stress level. I can up the dose of my antidepressant but I see no relief to the sleep deprivation. There is only one bedroom, so even a nightime aid wouldn't be of much help. I know all this is harming my health and I want to put an end to this now, before I end up being the one in the hospital.

If I'm failing to see some other alternatives, please tell me.

sandwichone123 · November 15

Perhaps you can tell him you have scheduled the surgery and place him "temporarily."

Biggles · November 16

I agree with sandwichone tell him the knee surgery is booked in and perhaps tell the placement home the same thing. Give yourself three or four weeks grace (or more). In a few months when it’s a better time for your surgery you can find an excuse of I’m having the other knee done or something went wrong and it needs to be done again. His reasoner is broken so it’s ok. The lack of understanding from the medical field is shocking to leave people in such a vulnerable situation is dreadful. Take care.

Pat Slive · November 16

Thanks to you both. I will give that idea some serious consideration.

Iris L. · November 16

Take a video of dangerous behavior to show authorities.

Iris

jgreen · November 16

Hi Pat

I agree with @Biggles and @sandwichone123 - temporary placement is an option for you. Telling him you have upcoming surgery is sometimes referred to as a ‘therapeutic story’. This is what we do to keep ourselves and LO’s safe. So don’t feel guilty.

Have you had an opportunity to visit facilities in your area? Is husband on a wait list? Having this legwork done now will help in the future.

Keep us posted. Hugs

My plan of action failed

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