My DH has changed and I’m afraid

Sanran01 · November 16

my DH just turned 70 but has been struggling with issues for awhile. He changes moods, is depressed and withdrawn, does not have healthy hygiene , smokes both pot and cigarettes , drinks a lot ( beer wine) has juvenile diabetes insulin dependent .

He has started to misplace things, wallet keys, checkbook. He doesn’t pay bills so i have most on autopay. Recently he’s getting lost driving at night and calls me saying he doesn’t know where he is. Also leaves the house open, and the biggest problem is he makes breakfast and forgets to turn off the burner. He won’t go to his doctor whom I’ve called and discussed and says my DH has to make the appointment himself. He has been living in a spare room downstairs since February and stays up late and sleeps late with a lot of naps. The worst is when i ask him about his smoking he screams at me and tells me he doesn’t. My son doesn’t think anything is wrong but both my daughters do.

sorry about the length of this post but i don’t know what to do and it gets worse every day .

I have a therapist but i’m so tired of having to do everything and I feel very alone.

Robert1320 · November 16

I feel much less alone since joining this group.

Have you contacted your local Council on Aging? They are familiar with local support services and your State's laws.

See ncoa.org for more information.

annie51 · 12:27AM

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Sounds like there is definitely something going on with him that needs to be addressed, for both your sakes. It’s very unfortunate that the doctor says your DH must make the appointment. Maybe you can use your daughters to help talk to him? I wish I had some sage advice for you but I can only offer a sympathetic ear.

Sweetwater · 2:53AM

There are many issues here that need to be addressed. He should not be driving at night or any other time. Disappear the car keys, disable the car. It sounds as though he needs constant supervision, no cooking. Put pressure on his doctor with videos, his daughters' input. Can you water down the alcohol? How does he obtain the alcohol? Are you currently working? This situation needs serious action from you and your children.

SDianeL · 4:28AM

welcome. So sorry you are going through this. We understand what you are going through. Have a safe space in your house you can go if he becomes aggressive and call 911. Have him taken to a Geriatric Psyche unit and admitted. Tell them you do not feel safe. Refuse to allow him to come home until they get him calm. You must stop him from driving and cooking. If he’s in an accident your insurance could refuse to pay. Fib to him to get him to go to the doctor. Tell him his insurance requires an annual visit. If you have access to his patient portal send the doctor a message before the appointment. Do not tell your husband it’s about his memory. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husbands diagnosis. Learn all you can about dementia. Don’t argue with him. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. You can’t get him to stop smoking or drinking by talking to him about it. You have to find a way to remove it from your house. Have your children read the book I mentioned above. It will help them understand. Come here often for info and support.

My DH has changed and I’m afraid

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