Father says hurtful things and still expects me to help

remember it’s the disease talking and not your Dad. It helped me to think of my husband as my patient and me his nurse. It took some of the emotion out of it. Your relationship with your LO changes when they have dementia. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which really helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Search online for dementia caregiving videos by Teepa Snow or Tam Cummings. They are on YouTube. Talk to his doctor about his behavior and ask for anti-psychotic medications. The best type of doctor to manage those meds is a Geriatric Psychiatrist. Get a referral to one if you can. Don’t try to reason with your Dad. His reasoner is broken. His behavior is caused by his anxiety. So sorry you are going through this. Hugs. 💜

The key seems to be holding onto yourself, grounding yourself, and then meeting your dad where he is.

At my mom’s memory care they use validation technique. You start by grounding yourself in what YOU are feeling when someone does/says something hurtful. When you feel more calm, and have acknowledged how a comment impacted you, you turn your attention back to the person with dementia but with a clearer head and compassion for what they need, are feeling, etc.

It sounds pie in the sky but works.

When my mother says hurtful things - even now, when she’s in stage 6 and her words mostly don’t make sense - I still find myself reacting sometimes. It’s not easy to have someone you’re caring for say hurtful things. I ackowledge it, remember her mind is broken, and remind myself that even if the only part of her brain that works is saying mean things it’s still not about me.

Do you have any help? family? Hospice? It’s good not to take all of this on alone.

I am so glad he has you. He is VERY lucky. And you should feel good that you are doing right by him.