Talking To One Who Knows

My dear wife left us in August, 2025. That was when the floodgates of grief were finally opened fully and all that I had been managing for years was allowed to be unleashed. As so many have described, it is overwhelming and far more difficult than handling the care of my dear wife for years. It is such a raw, uncontrollable, spontaneous tsunami of emotions that just brings me to a stop, unable to function. This forum has been a lifesaver and I continue to draw upon the wonderful people here to help me. My family is supportive and friends are supportive so I am not left alone. However, as so many have noted, the grief we have is unlike many others and comes from years of holding it in for the benefit of our loved one under our care. What I realized is that a therapist was not going to do much for me (I tried), groups of survivors sharing, but without the experience of being the caregiver for one suffering with any form of AD ( I will try more), are limited in their grasp of our grief and I needed to be able to "talk to a human being who has lived or is living the grief of AD". I was missing that human connection to be able to open up freely without judgement and share feelings and experiences with someone who has felt and/or is feeling the same. I needed to be able to reciprocate as well to listen and be a resource for another or others. I needed the human connection, not necessarily face to face, but at a minimum real voices communicating. Fortunately, I found someone who has walked in my shoes willing to talk with me. Having experienced that shared talking in real time with another person confirmed what I thought. It is proving to be extremely helpful, for us both I hope, in allowing me to talk freely about my loved one and our experiences. After each conversation I feel a bit of the burden lifted, the clouds parted a bit, the future beginning to peek out for me. I sleep better as the conversations are planned for the post supper evening time when we are so often alone in the silence of our home. I may never meet the other part in person, that is not the objective here, and that is okay. Hearing their voice, their emotions, learning about their path through AD with their loved one, how they are coping, sharing suggestions and explaining why it helped, etc., etc. is proving therapeutic for me. If I find a similar person locally who wants to share in real time and in person, I might consider meeting to talk but that is not my goal, I am not looking for a "date'. I am looking for a real voice to share and allow me to listen to help them as well. Sorry this is so long but I needed to share my experience. I have confirmed for myself that doing what we all do in here and with a real live voice is proving a breakthrough I was seeking. Maybe there can be a tomorrow after all, never as bright as before, never as fulfilling as before and never without missing my dear wife deeply forever more.